I Might Blush.....

Wanna hear my New Year's resolution? Well, the big one is to lose weight (a lot of weight-but you have to go to my other blog for that...) but another one I have is to have more, um, relations with my husband. I didn't tell him this of course! A girl's gotta be a little bit mysterious in this area. It makes it more exciting. I will probably tell him at some point like maybe next New Year's Eve. But this is really more "show" than "tell" kinda thing if you know what I mean .

Okay, what caused me to make this resolution? It started with my husband's complaints. I know, I know whose husband doesn't want more, um, relations? They ALL say they don't get enough, right? At first I ignored them and thought he was crazy. I thought we were having, um, relations a lot. However, when I tracked it....we were averaging a little less than once a week or about 3 times a month. I had estimated it was more like 3 times a week! Boy was I off, eh? I know that 3-4 times a month is normal for most married couples, especially those with young children, but I think we can do better . And I think it will be good for us to do better in this department.

First of all, I like, um, having relations with my husband. He ain't no slouch in bed and I should be taking advantage of his talents! Having, um, relations reduces many of the negative effects of stress and I have a lot of stress! Of course, just as important as my needs, I should be taking better care of his needs. I read that men need to have a um, release, at least once every 3 days. Otherwise things start to get painful in the Family Jewels! I once heard an older, married woman compare it to the pain we feel when our breasts are engorged with milk. OUCH! I don't want dear hubby feeling that pain!

This same woman (she was a speaker I heard at Women of Faith in 1999) who likened blue balls to breastfeeding engorgement said that sometimes as she's getting ready for bed and she is tired but she knows her dear husband is ready for action she prays that God will help her to "get herself in the mood". She said it's not that she doesn't like having, um, relations with her husband but we women tend to neglect our sensual side. Our minds are on 100 different things, we are usually tired at the end of the day and emotionally spent. At the end of the day we don't feel very attractive as we pull on our PJ's and wash our face. We feel more like a dirty dishrag than a beautiful woman ready for, um, relating and sometimes our husbands need to respect how we feel and give us a little cuddle (a cuddle that doesn't lead to more now gentleman....). But on the other side of the coin, it seems fair to say that the other half the time we need to make the effort and "get in the mood." According to the woman I mentioned above you can actually pray about your, um, relation drive!

And it makes us feel more connected as a couple. Last year hubby and I had the worst fight we have ever had. We didn't speak for 2 days and once we did things were still strained for 3 more days. We have been married for 13 years and until this fight, we have NEVER gone even 12 hours without speaking. So you get it, it was a DOOZY of a marital conflict for us. A real humdinger. We finally patched things up on day 5 but didn't have, um, relations for a couple more days. I remember as we lie there after the um, relating, I heard dear hubby whisper, Now I feel married again. And I thanked God that He gave us something so physical, so tangible to connect us together as husband and wife. Not that um, relations, is the only thing that makes us connect to each other but it's a powerful way to say to each other "You are a part of me!"

So, more, um, relations will be going on around here. Now I don't kiss and tell so I will not be updating my progress on this Resolution but I will tell you what my plan is. TMI? Well then stop reading! My plan is simple, to have, um, relations with my husband every 3 days. Yes, I know that's a lot to go from 3 times a month to 3 times a week but for all the reasons listed above I'm going to give it a shot! I printed out a year long calendar here: timeanddate.com and I'm going to keep it in my bedside table and circle the dates we have, um, relations. I will keep an eye on my little relations calendar and if it's been more than 3 days I need to make an effort to head to bed a bit earlier and start things up!

Here is to a very Happy New Year for my husband and for me. A Happy New Year for our marriage really. You know what they say, um, having relations leads to don't you? Talking! Oh baby, oh baby that's right, talk to me more about your........feelings.....Ha ha ha!

Can we just call it sex now?

Two New Blogs

I just started writing two new blogs in addition to this one. I know that seems weird, why don't you just blog it all here? But the other two have very specific purposes where this blog is a hodge-podge of all my random thoughts.

The first one, Seeking To Glorify Him, is an alter of worship to God. I post my thoughts of worship and praise to the One True God there.

The second, Stories From the Scale, is about my journey to lose a large amount of weight. Also, I want to post other peoples stories of successful weight loss there. If you know of someone who has lost a significant amount of weight or has a unique (but healthy) weight loss method encourage them to email it to me at storiesfromthescale@gmail.com.

And...believe it or not I may have another blog in the works....

Anyway, I still plan to blog here about myself, my life and my life as a SAHM but the other two have a purpose for me too. Check them out if you so desire, or don't.

By the by....HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I do better in life when I blog

I have been a bit of an emotional and mental mess for the past few weeks and I couldn't figure out why. Not a terrible mess mind you, just a little bit. I've been feeling pressure building up inside me that effects my daily life. I realized a few days ago that I need to blow off some steam. Not anger, just relase the ideas, thoughts and feelings that circle in my head like planes waiting to land. I just have "stuff" buzzing around inside of my head that I have to get out or I start to feel a little nuts and I now realize my blog helps me do that. I haven't blogged for several months now and I guess I need to! So here I am again publicly sharing my private thoughts with the world.....well not too private. For some reason a diary doesn't do for me what blogging does. Maybe it's because I know a handful of my friends read it and smile, laugh, shout or cry with me. In college I used to have a diary that I wrote on my computer in a Word document....maybe it's just the typing? Either way, I love to blog and I need to blog so here I am!

I also started a new blog with a different subject matter a few days ago, you can check it out here: Seeking To Glorify Him. I love Blogger.com but I used Wordpress for this one. I just wanted to see what other blog sites have to offer. I am liking Wordpress but not any more than blogger....anyway! I'll let my new blog speak for itself.

Okay, kids are awake and I have to get on with my day. However, to keep my sanity, I will be spilling my thoughts here soon so stay tuned.....

Didn't Make it

FYI, we didn't make it the full 5 days. John and I broke our fast last night. For several reasons, I feel okay about it. Three days is pretty good. I feel a lot better! Well, that's it. Just didn't want anyone praying for me unnecessarily =}.

Day 3 of a 5 Day Fast

I'm not gonna lie, the last 2 days have been rough. I've done this 5-day Fasting cleanse twice before and it's never been this hard. I almost gave up multiple times but my husband and some time in the Word got me through it.

I'm struggling in the flesh and also in the spirit. As far as my flesh goes, I think I have an ulcer (I've suspected it for some time) and when I feel hunger during this fast it's painful. The pain subsides and never gets out of hand but it still hurts when I'm hungry. Sometimes I feel quite nauseous too. The other thing I'm struggling with is the stuff I have to drink to, um, clean me out. It's pure bulk fiber and I have to drink it 5 times a day. The taste isn't bad, you are supposed to drink it in apple juice and I like apple juice. It has ginger in it which burns a bit but still not bad. It's the texture I have trouble with. It's gritty, sandy and a bit like applesauce. John just opens his throat and down it goes in one gulp. It takes me several sips because if I take too much in my mouth at once I spit it out or worse, gag. Okay, more info than you probably wanted to know, I won't share with you the other "end" of this cleanse.....

Now for the spiritual struggle. I HAVE TO LET GO OF FOOD. I have to put food back in it's proper place as enjoyable nourishment and keep it there. Food has been my god for years and I have to dethrone it, or better yet allow God to work in me so I have the power to dethrone food. Like I said in my last post, I've done this fast before with the intention of focusing on God while fasting trying to make it not only physically valuable but spiritually as well. I also said in my last post that I've never really made time to focus on God during one of these fasts, never opened myself up to what He wants to teach me. Yesterday, I had no choice. The first day of the fast was HORRIBLE. I felt sick, nauseous all day, weak, grouchy and angry. By dinner time I was done. I kept thinking over and over, "I don't want to do this, I can't do this..." Hubby got me through dinnertime and to bed. I figured I would feel better in the morning so I powered through. I slept terribly, waking up with mild pain in my stomach several times. I woke up in an awful mood the next morning. I was ready to quit and planning on it. I started talking with my husband and that wasn't helping, I was still going to give up. But I heard the Still Small Voice calling to me and decided to spend some time spiritually nourishing myself.

I went outside with my Bible and journal and opened myself up to God. It was amazingly refreshing and really filled me up. God pointed out some very specific things He wanted to work in me and how He was going to do it. The time with Him really got me back on track. Not that I'm surprised, why do we Christians avoid time with God when we know it's going to help us!

So, I'm plugging along, haven't eaten since Thursday at dinner. I still feel the pain when I get hungry but it's lessening. I don't know if there will be more spiritual battles to fight in the next couple of days. I do know what to do though when and if they come however. Tomorrow the boys go back to school and my daughter is now in pre-school so I will have, 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES TO MYSELF! I plan to do a bit of house cleaning that I've been neglecting but I also plan to spend some uninterrupted time with God doing a different kind of cleaning that has also been put on the back burner. In the midst of child-rearing and homemaking I have forgotten my first Love in the past couple of years. It's time to remember, it's time to go back to His arms. Why did I ever leave in the first place?

Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be,
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart O, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.

from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (my all-time favorite hymn)

Taking Care of Body and Soul

Okay, so I've done this twice before, I'm not a newbie but I find some familiar thoughts and feelings cropping up. And fears, lots of fears. Can I really do this? I wonder. I keep telling myself I've done it before and it is worth it but I'm still nervous about it.

I'm fasting for 5 days. It's a cleansing fast, I use a program from Blessed Herbs. It is an amazing program and really "cleans" you out. You don't even want to know what is in your gut folks. I'm just glad I'm getting it out! If you want to see some gross but fascinating pictures, the website has them here: Intestinal Plaque. Do not look at the pictures if you are feeling queasy at all and BEWARE, the pictures will make you want to do the cleanse! At least that's been my experience and every one I know whose done it too. You look at them and you just have to do it!

Like I said I've done it twice before and always had very good results. My husband does it with me (which I'm still astounded at, it's such a hippie dippie thing to do but, he loves it! He has actually done a fasting cleanse without me when I was pregnant!) But I digress....so I have past experience with this and I have support. What am I so afraid of? I have come to the conclusion that it's a normal process. Fear is a normal part of a big undertaking (and not eating for 5 days is a bit of an "undertaking"...hee hee pun intended). I keep reminding myself that courage is not the absence of fear but courage is doing something in spite of your fears. So, onward I go!

My one goal for this fast that I have never successfully met in the past two fasts I've done is to open myself up to God and focus on spiritual things. I know that sounds funny, a Christian fasting and not focusing on spiritual things but my past two 5-day cleanses have been all about physical health. I didn't plan for them to be that way, I actually planned the opposite. During the previous fasts I prayed and read my Bible some but I didn't the take time to really open myself up to what the Holy Spirit wanted to teach me while I fasted.

I'm rambling a bit so I'll close. Pray for me sisters. Pray that while I cleanse the physical I also cleanse the spiritual. Pray that I will have courage for whatever our Lord has in store.

Christians are Fans of Twilight? Really????

That's my first response when I see Christian friends of mine all over Facebook "counting down the days" to the Twilight "Eclipse" movie premire tomorrow. Really ladies???? It's about vampires and werewolves, 'nuff said. But of course I will say more.....

It deeply disturbs me when Christians allow movies, TV and books that are blatantly about things of the occult into their lives. It's bad enough that the entertainment industry seeks to subtlety influence the masses with their backwards morality but when it's in your face evil, direct Bible quote evil, and Christians chose to embrace it...I'm dumbfounded.

The first time I heard of the Twilight Series and heard it was about vampires that was it for me. I had no more interest. Well, no, I take that back. I had plenty of interest because several women I knew were talking about it and I wanted to join in. Also, I LOVE a good book and a good series of books? I'm like a kid in a candy store. But I kept coming back to the whole vampire thing and never even cracked the first book open. Some may say to me, "if you've never read it, how can you know it's evil?" Well, to be plain, the Bible tells me so. I could quote a number of verses about staying away from the occult so how do Christians justify this when they read/watch the Twilight series? I realize that I'm a pretty "black and white" thinker and in this world there is room for some Biblical gray but show me the gray here. Vampires=evil according to God's word. And trying spin a story to make vampires=good well according to the Bible that is even MORE EVIL. Wolf in sheep's clothing anyone?

So for me, the bottom line was easy. I convicted that ready the Twilight series would not be pleasing to God and although I was interested in it I would stay away from it. However, my curiosity into what exactly makes it un-Biblical was peaked. So I went to my favorite website for seeking the breakdown of issues from a Biblical perspective, The Christian Research Institute. The article I read there went beyond just the occult factor in discouraging believers in reading the Twilight Series. It was a fascinating article by Stephen Ross, here is my favorite quote:

The Twilight love saga, then, may be the ultimate female coming-of-age fantasy that our biblically illiterate culture can offer, and, as such, this captivating story evokes dangerously false expectations in young women that no man could ever satisfy. In fact, given that female sexuality is quite naturally relational, far more so than young male sexuality, the comparison that comes to mind is that Twilight is to female sexuality what pornography is to male sexuality. As young men all too naturally tend to objectify women, and pornography intensifies that tendency, so young women tend to idealize and idolize young men, and Twilight exacerbates that tendency. Under such influences, neither sex sees the opposite sex as they should.

Ross's article goes on to talk about the Mormon features of the series as well. The author Stephanie Meyer is a devout Mormon and apparently Twilight is intensely flavored with the beliefs of that heretical cult. Edward, the hero in the story, is an immortal being, a god if you will. Mormonism teaches that in the afterlife good Mormon men will be gods over their own universe. Mormonism is also a salvation through works doctrine and in the Twilight Series Edwards "good deeds" are highlighted. Deeds like "trying not to drink human blood" and eschewing pre-marital sex with the lead female character because he's afraid he might kill her during the act. Wow, those are some mighty wonderful works! Praise be to...hmmm...who? Who shall we praise for this???

Okay, now my struggle. I am so passionate about getting Christian women to STOP reading and watching this unholy trash I want to do something about it. But what? Every time I open my big mouth I get persecuted for being "judgmental". I'm not judging people, just the sin they are engaged in. I have a myriad of sins myself (many of which I discuss in this blog) and am far from perfect but I know God uses "jars of clay" to speak through. Maybe He is encouraging me to speak. I'll prayerfully seek God's will but for now this seriously cracked "jar of clay" will stand on her soapbox in a safe place, her blog.

Note: I'm sorry if I've offended any of my 4 readers. I can't remember if any you read Twilight or not. I don't mean to judge anyone, this issue really gets under my skin and I had to say something somewhere or it was going to burst out of my chest! Again, sorry to have offended any Twilight readers. And if you have evidence to refute anything in the article by Stephen Ross I would love to hear it!