Finding the Humor in it...............

Like I posted yesterday I am DEEP in the throes of PMS. As I get older I recognize the signs a lot sooner. For years my period would start and I would have this incredible realization..........Ohhhhh, that's why I flipped off that sweet old lady in the crosswalk, ate an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses every day for the past week, hate the new haircut I got that I loved last week, am convinced that everyone hates me and am filing for divorce from the stupidest man to ever roam the earth! Now that Auntie Flo is here, it all makes sense and it's all good now. You've probably been there too. I have found now that I recognize"what in the world is wrong with me" during PMS instead of after the fact helps a little, and I mean a little but when you are in Hormone Hell even a little bit of peace of mind goes a long way.

After inhaling 2 pints of ice cream all by myself in 3 days, feeling so exhausted that I went to bed at 8 on Monday night and screeching at my son this morning for not putting on his shoes fast enough I realized that my "time of the month" was coming and I currently was experiencing Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. So for the past couple of days I've tried to give myself a break. I watched TV and ate ice cream while the boys were at school and my daughter napped today. I did some chores but not as many as I would do on a typical day. I made dinner in the crockpot at noon so I wouldn't be trying to do it when the Three Tornadoes are swirling around me and DH is asking me where "things are" (why do men never know where things are located in their own home?) And I googled PMS jokes for women to try to find some humor in the situation. Here are my favs:

Number 1: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS.................

Joke 2: Joseph and Mary

A couple was sitting around their apartment; she was clipping coupons while he was reading the bible. The old man said to his wife, "You know honey, everything you ever wanted to know about life is in here."

She returned, "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, dear."

He replied back, "Sure, just name one thing I can't find in here."

She said, "PMS-you won't find anything about it in there."

He began flipping through the pages, going from one chapter to another, pausing for a few seconds only before going on to the next page. After about 10 minutes, he looked up at his wife and said, "Aha! Here it is, I told you everything was in here."

Then he proceeded to begin reading the script "... and Mary rode Joseph's ass..."

I found these jokes on PMS Central a very humorous but informative website about the dreaded Curse before the actual Curse. Among ideas on how to cope you can actually sign up for PMS alerts to your email box. To quote the site, "Use our email service to give you a head's up on the hormonal hurricane........." If only I had known about that service for the past 20 years? If you want to know what kind of PMS Personality you have you can take this Quiz there! It was hilarious and also informative.

In all seriousness I am thinking I should go see a hormonal specialist because my PMS symptoms have always been unpleasant but in the past two years since my daughter has been born they are getting worse. I honestly feel like I am mentally ill in the days before my period starts. The bloat is horrendous! It takes every fiber of my being at times not to scream at my kids or DH like a Banshee. Everything irritates me. My body feel sore all over and cramps start before my period when my whole life they've only come during. The worst part is I feel like a horrible failure at, well, everything for 3-4 days. I feel like I'm never going to lose weight, hated by all who know me and some who don't, like I'm a terrible wife and mother and I have done nothing good with my life. I can get down right depressed. OH! And did I mention I eat and eat and eat? It's like I can't get full. I've had problems with my hormones but it's never been this bad. I have a number for a doc who is an expert on hormone dysfunction and will supposedly spend 1 and a half hours with you on your first visit AND insurance pays for it. I am looking for a miracle, do you think there is one out there? Damn that Eve and her stupid apple......................