It happens every month. I have a cycle. Well, a cycle within The Cycle that most women ages 12-50 go through each month. I have an eating/exercise cycle that tracks right along with my Menstrual cycle. This Diet and Exercise Cycle keeps me from losing weight and being healthy. I'm hoping by blogging about it here I might gain some insight to this cycle and help me make some plans to overcome it!
Week 1: After Aunt Flo Leaves Town
Right after my period is over and my hormones stabalize I am PUMPED and ready to get healthy and lose weight. In the week after Auntie Flo leaves, I clean out my kitchen of sugar and other crap and I schedule time to exercise (and actually do it). I feel fantastic! I'm happy, healthy chomping down on salads and busily cooking up new healthy recipes and some old favorites too. I take pictures of myself to start an accurate weight loss record and I also begin some sort of "weight loss journal". While I take long, vigorous walks around the neighborhood I fantasize about what I'm going to say to Oprah in my interview about how I lost all the weight. I start thinking about how I can't wait to buy clothes that are not in the "Plus Size" department and I scan JJill catalogs and dream about all the clothes I'm going to buy and how friggin' cute I will look in them! I imagine my family members faces when they see me for the first time after I lose all the weight. I see myself sitting with an umbrella drink on a white sandy beach with my (also newly slender) husband enjoying the sunset and then heading back to our hotel room to rediscover each other in our new bodies....TMI? Sorry. I usually lose 1-3 pounds during this week and feel optimistic and hopeful about a healthy future.
Week 2: A Few Obstacles Are Encountered
Something almost always happens that throws me off track. One of the kids gets sick and I have to stay up all night with them. So I'm too tired to exercise the next day but I still eat healthy. Then the next day I'm catching up with housework, bills, laundry etc and don't exercise because I can't seem to find the time. It's usually on day 2 I eat something that seems harmless but I know deep down is a "cheat" for me. Like yogurt covered pretzels for example. Then on day 3 I make a 1/2 attempt at exercise and eat something I'm really not supposed to or I just over eat something healthy. Day 4, it just keeps getting worse......you get the picture. By the end of the week I've find myself at a drive-thru window. I usually maintain the weight loss from the previous week or gain 1 lb back.
Week 3: Getting Progressively Out of Control
During this week Aunt Flo visit is getting close and I start snapping at my children. I bawl at something I wouldn't normally. Like an endearing commercial or say, writing a thank you email to my son's teacher (I did that today). So the hormones levels are dropping and I'm slowly becoming a cross between the Wicked Witch and Shrek. My family starts avoiding me. I hate the entire contents of my closet because they make me look like a blue whale. I have terrible, doubting thoughts about myself. I become convinced that everyone, even my own mother, hates me. I get easily frustrated and overwhelmed and begin to feel very, very anxious and then....voila! A pig out. Pizza with a Ben and Jerry's chaser, a supersized Jack in the Box meal, donuts for breakfast, lasanga for lunch and big beefy burritos for dinner. All topped off with a bucket of ice cream......Okay, so I'm exaggerating but not as much as I'd like to be. I try desperately every day to "get back on the wagon". I make a dramatic pledge every night to get up at 5am and go running (I don't run for exercise). I starve myself for an entire morning in an attempt to fast for the day, scourging myself only to give in and totally pig out around 3pm. And of course when I don't follow through on these unrealistic expectations for myself I begin to loathe myself and my thoughts turn very ugly. I always gain back whatever weight was lost in Week One and sometimes an extra pound or two with it.
Week 4: Good Ole Aunt Flo Comes for a Visit
As soon as my period arrives I feel almost instant relief. Physically, I'm not so good, I feel bloated, ugly and crampy but emotionally I gently mother myself and tell myself "it's all gonna be okay now". I begin to realize that the previous week was just PMS and I'm not a horrible person who can't stick to her goals. I have a reason "why" and it makes me feel better. I don't tend to eat horribly during this week but I don't really limit myself either. I don't usually binge but part of that "gentle mothering" of myself is to say to myself, "you've been through a lot dear, have a cookie." So I have a few cookies or treat myself to lunch at Panera. I definitely don't exercise during this week, I'm too physically uncomfortable. Towards the end of this week I'm already starting to make new plans for "Week One" and I'm optimistic about a healthy future again. I find myself anxious to get started on a new path. However, I tend to avoid the scale this week, I don't look at JJill catalogs or take any pictures of myself.
Now a very important note on the cycle above: a handful of times (one time actually just 2 months ago) I have made it through to Week 3 (PMS week) without "falling off the wagon" during Week 2. A very few times I have eaten right and exercised faithfully through Week 2. Do you know what happens? If I don't eat sugar and flour and get moderate exercise Aunt Flo arrives with almost ZERO PMS! I usually feel great up until about the day before and then I get grouchy and find myself strongly craving sweets. What generally happens in this situation is I go crazy for a day or two, binge a couple of times and don't exercise. Then Week 4 plays out pretty much the same as I stated above. I still don't exercise in Week 4 and I kindly give myself "treats" for braving the monthly "curse". So braving through and keeping up healthy habits during Week 2 is good but I still don't lose weight because whatever I lose in Week 1 & 2 I gain back in Week 4.
So as I type this I realize, the first thing I have to do is keep up the momentum during Week 2. Don't let anything get me off track because Week 3 is coming and she is a nasty bitch if I don't take care of myself during Week 2. You see I think I could just "push through" difficulties during Week 2. It could be challenging if I've been up all night with a sick kid or have a major event like putting together a Cub Scout Pack meeting BUT I'm not fighting my hormones too. So it's more of a physical fight than an emotional one. Once the emotions start, I just can't reason with that girl! I can't get her off her ass to save my life. She just cries and says, "Nobody loves me, who cares if I die early from heart disease! Please pass the brownies." You can't reason with PMS. So goal #1 is to make PMS as short and easy as possible by powering through the almost inevitable road blocks of Week 2.
But now on to Week 4. It would be hard to just "power through", I'm still a little emotional and tender. Maybe give myself 2-3 days and then try to force my self to get back to it? What do you do to coach yourself during PMS and Aunt Flo? My guess is most women eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's or an entire bag of chocolate covered pretzels once or twice a month but how do you keep it from being more than just one incident? How do you recover when you are a hormonal beast and get back to healthy eating and exercise? I really, really want some ideas. Anyone? Anyone? How do you maintain healthy habits in the eye of the estrogen storm?
Aunt Flo is due any day. I don't think I can do much about Miss PMS at this point but what do I do once Auntie is here?
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2 comments:
Oh man, I don't have any right answers. I think that is something all us women struggle with. It seems whenever I get my groove on with exercise, something comes and interferes. And sometimes I just have to push through. Even though it really sucks, and I feel crampy and emotional and know my workout will completely suck, I do it anyway. Because afterwards, I know those endorphins will kick in and it will really really help. On those days though, I have to do it in the morning. Otherwise it won't get done. That being said, there are definitely days I allow myself to wallow, to hang out on the computer, eat whatever I want. Unfortunately, I usually end up feeling physically lousy as well as mentally.
My doctor said there were supplements made to help with PMS and I feel I need to look into that. She has said, the levels change at our ages. My emotions are way worse now than they used to be.
Hang in there. Hope you find some answers! Praying for you every day.
I love your honesty. I agree with Kristin we all struggle to some extent although I know your hormones give you and exceptional battle.
My first thought to any struggle like this is prayer and bible study. We can't change without the power of the Holy Spirit. We can't do it on our own. Christ has so much to teach us an encourage us with in these struggles.
I also think about how much we need to depend on other people (again with the "we can't do it on your own")
I commend you for your struggle to be healthy. And yes is will improve the quality of your life and your family. However you are not defined by how well you eat, exercise and stick to your goals. You are defined by being a child of God and that is it. Let's have a phone date soon. I think there are a lot of ways we can encourage and pray for each other. I love you Abby.
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