It happens every month. I have a cycle. Well, a cycle within The Cycle that most women ages 12-50 go through each month. I have an eating/exercise cycle that tracks right along with my Menstrual cycle. This Diet and Exercise Cycle keeps me from losing weight and being healthy. I'm hoping by blogging about it here I might gain some insight to this cycle and help me make some plans to overcome it!
Week 1: After Aunt Flo Leaves Town
Right after my period is over and my hormones stabalize I am PUMPED and ready to get healthy and lose weight. In the week after Auntie Flo leaves, I clean out my kitchen of sugar and other crap and I schedule time to exercise (and actually do it). I feel fantastic! I'm happy, healthy chomping down on salads and busily cooking up new healthy recipes and some old favorites too. I take pictures of myself to start an accurate weight loss record and I also begin some sort of "weight loss journal". While I take long, vigorous walks around the neighborhood I fantasize about what I'm going to say to Oprah in my interview about how I lost all the weight. I start thinking about how I can't wait to buy clothes that are not in the "Plus Size" department and I scan JJill catalogs and dream about all the clothes I'm going to buy and how friggin' cute I will look in them! I imagine my family members faces when they see me for the first time after I lose all the weight. I see myself sitting with an umbrella drink on a white sandy beach with my (also newly slender) husband enjoying the sunset and then heading back to our hotel room to rediscover each other in our new bodies....TMI? Sorry. I usually lose 1-3 pounds during this week and feel optimistic and hopeful about a healthy future.
Week 2: A Few Obstacles Are Encountered
Something almost always happens that throws me off track. One of the kids gets sick and I have to stay up all night with them. So I'm too tired to exercise the next day but I still eat healthy. Then the next day I'm catching up with housework, bills, laundry etc and don't exercise because I can't seem to find the time. It's usually on day 2 I eat something that seems harmless but I know deep down is a "cheat" for me. Like yogurt covered pretzels for example. Then on day 3 I make a 1/2 attempt at exercise and eat something I'm really not supposed to or I just over eat something healthy. Day 4, it just keeps getting worse......you get the picture. By the end of the week I've find myself at a drive-thru window. I usually maintain the weight loss from the previous week or gain 1 lb back.
Week 3: Getting Progressively Out of Control
During this week Aunt Flo visit is getting close and I start snapping at my children. I bawl at something I wouldn't normally. Like an endearing commercial or say, writing a thank you email to my son's teacher (I did that today). So the hormones levels are dropping and I'm slowly becoming a cross between the Wicked Witch and Shrek. My family starts avoiding me. I hate the entire contents of my closet because they make me look like a blue whale. I have terrible, doubting thoughts about myself. I become convinced that everyone, even my own mother, hates me. I get easily frustrated and overwhelmed and begin to feel very, very anxious and then....voila! A pig out. Pizza with a Ben and Jerry's chaser, a supersized Jack in the Box meal, donuts for breakfast, lasanga for lunch and big beefy burritos for dinner. All topped off with a bucket of ice cream......Okay, so I'm exaggerating but not as much as I'd like to be. I try desperately every day to "get back on the wagon". I make a dramatic pledge every night to get up at 5am and go running (I don't run for exercise). I starve myself for an entire morning in an attempt to fast for the day, scourging myself only to give in and totally pig out around 3pm. And of course when I don't follow through on these unrealistic expectations for myself I begin to loathe myself and my thoughts turn very ugly. I always gain back whatever weight was lost in Week One and sometimes an extra pound or two with it.
Week 4: Good Ole Aunt Flo Comes for a Visit
As soon as my period arrives I feel almost instant relief. Physically, I'm not so good, I feel bloated, ugly and crampy but emotionally I gently mother myself and tell myself "it's all gonna be okay now". I begin to realize that the previous week was just PMS and I'm not a horrible person who can't stick to her goals. I have a reason "why" and it makes me feel better. I don't tend to eat horribly during this week but I don't really limit myself either. I don't usually binge but part of that "gentle mothering" of myself is to say to myself, "you've been through a lot dear, have a cookie." So I have a few cookies or treat myself to lunch at Panera. I definitely don't exercise during this week, I'm too physically uncomfortable. Towards the end of this week I'm already starting to make new plans for "Week One" and I'm optimistic about a healthy future again. I find myself anxious to get started on a new path. However, I tend to avoid the scale this week, I don't look at JJill catalogs or take any pictures of myself.
Now a very important note on the cycle above: a handful of times (one time actually just 2 months ago) I have made it through to Week 3 (PMS week) without "falling off the wagon" during Week 2. A very few times I have eaten right and exercised faithfully through Week 2. Do you know what happens? If I don't eat sugar and flour and get moderate exercise Aunt Flo arrives with almost ZERO PMS! I usually feel great up until about the day before and then I get grouchy and find myself strongly craving sweets. What generally happens in this situation is I go crazy for a day or two, binge a couple of times and don't exercise. Then Week 4 plays out pretty much the same as I stated above. I still don't exercise in Week 4 and I kindly give myself "treats" for braving the monthly "curse". So braving through and keeping up healthy habits during Week 2 is good but I still don't lose weight because whatever I lose in Week 1 & 2 I gain back in Week 4.
So as I type this I realize, the first thing I have to do is keep up the momentum during Week 2. Don't let anything get me off track because Week 3 is coming and she is a nasty bitch if I don't take care of myself during Week 2. You see I think I could just "push through" difficulties during Week 2. It could be challenging if I've been up all night with a sick kid or have a major event like putting together a Cub Scout Pack meeting BUT I'm not fighting my hormones too. So it's more of a physical fight than an emotional one. Once the emotions start, I just can't reason with that girl! I can't get her off her ass to save my life. She just cries and says, "Nobody loves me, who cares if I die early from heart disease! Please pass the brownies." You can't reason with PMS. So goal #1 is to make PMS as short and easy as possible by powering through the almost inevitable road blocks of Week 2.
But now on to Week 4. It would be hard to just "power through", I'm still a little emotional and tender. Maybe give myself 2-3 days and then try to force my self to get back to it? What do you do to coach yourself during PMS and Aunt Flo? My guess is most women eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's or an entire bag of chocolate covered pretzels once or twice a month but how do you keep it from being more than just one incident? How do you recover when you are a hormonal beast and get back to healthy eating and exercise? I really, really want some ideas. Anyone? Anyone? How do you maintain healthy habits in the eye of the estrogen storm?
Aunt Flo is due any day. I don't think I can do much about Miss PMS at this point but what do I do once Auntie is here?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I need some accountability
Okay, so I started eating right over a week ago and I began to exercise 2 days ago. It's been good. I feel great! Getting sugar and flour out of my system always feels so fantastic I wonder why I ever eat them. And I love to exercise so the past 2 days have been fun buttttt...there's always a but! And mine is a pretty big butt so I have to quit making excuses and LOSE THIS WEIGHT!
Today I "slipped up". Just a little bit, not seemingly a big deal, I ate a few yogurt covered pretzels. I know, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it is. I'm not ready to snack on a handful of yogurt covered pretzels. I know I'm not ready because I honestly ate more than I planned to. However, I chose to acknowledge the mistake and move on. In the past I'd write off the whole day if I slipped up. It would start with a fairly harmless little snack and end up with pizza and brownies for dinner. So, I dun good, I dun good. I made sure my next meal was healthy and I refused to give myself permission to go totally off the wagon. Also, I patted myself on the back. Why? Because my "slip up" was almost a FAST FOOD LUNCH!!! I was hungry, I was out and about and I was a little stressed. Those three things usually land me at a drive-thru window BUT I held my ground! So between Jack-in-the-Crack and yogurt covered pretzels I chose the lesser of two evils and I gave myself kudos.
Now, for exercise. I knew day 3 would be the hardest. It always is when I'm trying to establish an exercise habit. I say to myself, "Self, you have worked out for 2 days and there are so many other things to do! Pay attention to other things." And then 3 months go by before I elevate my heart rate again. It's not because I don't want to exercise, like I said above, I like to exercise but I get behind in something else in my life because I was spending time working out. However, I honestly don't have the time to work out but have finally come to the conclusion that I need to lose weight and become healthier so something else will have to "give". Exercise has to be a priority!
You probably wonder what happened today. Well, I had an unexpected appointment, I had to take Monkey Man to the doctor this morning, and my whole morning was thrown off. By the time we got back from the doc, the grocery store and the pharmacy I was a bit pooped. I started to worry that I wouldn't work out today since it's getting on in the afternoon and I have bathrooms that are screaming to be cleaned not to mention a mound of laundry. But everyday I have something in my house that screams to be cleaned and I always have a mound of laundry. Soooo, I ate a healthy lunch, sat here and blogged a bit while it digested and now dear friends, I am going to get on some workout clothes and move my big butt! T-Tapp and Wii Fit...here I come!
Thanks you cyberspace for listening and holding me accountable.
Today I "slipped up". Just a little bit, not seemingly a big deal, I ate a few yogurt covered pretzels. I know, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it is. I'm not ready to snack on a handful of yogurt covered pretzels. I know I'm not ready because I honestly ate more than I planned to. However, I chose to acknowledge the mistake and move on. In the past I'd write off the whole day if I slipped up. It would start with a fairly harmless little snack and end up with pizza and brownies for dinner. So, I dun good, I dun good. I made sure my next meal was healthy and I refused to give myself permission to go totally off the wagon. Also, I patted myself on the back. Why? Because my "slip up" was almost a FAST FOOD LUNCH!!! I was hungry, I was out and about and I was a little stressed. Those three things usually land me at a drive-thru window BUT I held my ground! So between Jack-in-the-Crack and yogurt covered pretzels I chose the lesser of two evils and I gave myself kudos.
Now, for exercise. I knew day 3 would be the hardest. It always is when I'm trying to establish an exercise habit. I say to myself, "Self, you have worked out for 2 days and there are so many other things to do! Pay attention to other things." And then 3 months go by before I elevate my heart rate again. It's not because I don't want to exercise, like I said above, I like to exercise but I get behind in something else in my life because I was spending time working out. However, I honestly don't have the time to work out but have finally come to the conclusion that I need to lose weight and become healthier so something else will have to "give". Exercise has to be a priority!
You probably wonder what happened today. Well, I had an unexpected appointment, I had to take Monkey Man to the doctor this morning, and my whole morning was thrown off. By the time we got back from the doc, the grocery store and the pharmacy I was a bit pooped. I started to worry that I wouldn't work out today since it's getting on in the afternoon and I have bathrooms that are screaming to be cleaned not to mention a mound of laundry. But everyday I have something in my house that screams to be cleaned and I always have a mound of laundry. Soooo, I ate a healthy lunch, sat here and blogged a bit while it digested and now dear friends, I am going to get on some workout clothes and move my big butt! T-Tapp and Wii Fit...here I come!
Thanks you cyberspace for listening and holding me accountable.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I'm going to be honest for a change
Yeah. So I stepped on the scale on Monday of this week and saw a number I've never seen before. A number higher than even when I was pregnant with my first son (I gained a whooping 76 pounds with my first pregnancy). A number so high that I realize I HAVE to do something about my weight. I realize that I am now closer to 300 lbs than 200lbs. Yes, I have tipped over to.....drum roll please..... 260 lbs. There I typed it. It's in black and white for all of my three readers of this blog to see. No more hiding, no more justifications, no more lying to myself about the state of my health, just the plain hard facts. Two. Hundred. Sixty. I am fat and my health is in jeopardy.
It's not that I don't know how to lose weight. I've done it before quite successfully and in a healthy manner. I know what to eat, how much to eat and what to avoid. I know all the ways to keep myself on the right path. I know what types of exercise are most enjoyable for me and how to get the best results. So.....what's the problem? The problem is I don't know exactly what the problem is. But I have some idea....
I know I'm a stress eater. I have no other coping skills for high doses of stress than food. I can manages small-medium amounts of stress in healthy ways but big stress, no. I go straight for the fridge and chew and swallow until the knot in my stomach unclenches. There gets to be a point when I feel so torn in so many directions, so buried by the tasks at hand, so lost, so lonely, so embarrassed by my behavior that the only cure I know is to shove large amounts of food down my throat until my stomach is so full it can't be a big ball of stress anymore. I have found that when I try to just "power through" this stress and ignore my need to eat to "unclench" that it results in an even bigger binge somewhere later down the road. I can only ignore the tight stomach for so long before the beast needs to be "fed".
I have tried everything I can think of to reduce the effects of stress on me other than food. None of it works long term because none of it is as easy or satisfying as eating an enormous bowl of ice cream. I once heard someone say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." My honest response to that was, pardon my french but, bullshit. Food is my fast, easy fix that always makes me feel good. It gets me high. Food always comes through for me setting off that chemical reaction so all those little neurons or whatever, pump out the "happy hormones" until I feel like I'm on top of the world....for a while. It's a drug for me and I'm a total addict. I have lost the ability to fix my inner problems any other way.
I do realize now that my desire for food has taken over and it is now in control instead of me or better yet God. I said I was going to be honest and I meant it. I can't control this. I'm paralyzed, I can't solve this problem I have. But I still cling to the hope that He can. I have been praying and will continue to pray that God shows me what to do to get this desire for food out of the "driver's seat" in my life and put Him back in it. It sounds so cliche and it is a little bit but that doesn't make it true. I need God because I'm at the bottom of the barrel, I have nowhere else to go...I have lost my battle of the bulge. But I remain confident that nothing is impossible for God. I just have to turn it over to Him however, I need Him to help me do even that!
Prayer sisters! I ask for prayer. Prayer that I would allow God to do what needs to be done in my life. That I would soften, let my pride go and trust Him implicitly. Prayer that I would find the keys to permanent weight control. Prayer that I would listen when He tells me how to be free.
I weigh 260 lbs. I'm fat, out-of-shape and out of control. I am just a bite away from 300 lbs or more, I have one toe in the grave. It's time to be honest with myself and everyone. This post is my first step.
It's not that I don't know how to lose weight. I've done it before quite successfully and in a healthy manner. I know what to eat, how much to eat and what to avoid. I know all the ways to keep myself on the right path. I know what types of exercise are most enjoyable for me and how to get the best results. So.....what's the problem? The problem is I don't know exactly what the problem is. But I have some idea....
I know I'm a stress eater. I have no other coping skills for high doses of stress than food. I can manages small-medium amounts of stress in healthy ways but big stress, no. I go straight for the fridge and chew and swallow until the knot in my stomach unclenches. There gets to be a point when I feel so torn in so many directions, so buried by the tasks at hand, so lost, so lonely, so embarrassed by my behavior that the only cure I know is to shove large amounts of food down my throat until my stomach is so full it can't be a big ball of stress anymore. I have found that when I try to just "power through" this stress and ignore my need to eat to "unclench" that it results in an even bigger binge somewhere later down the road. I can only ignore the tight stomach for so long before the beast needs to be "fed".
I have tried everything I can think of to reduce the effects of stress on me other than food. None of it works long term because none of it is as easy or satisfying as eating an enormous bowl of ice cream. I once heard someone say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." My honest response to that was, pardon my french but, bullshit. Food is my fast, easy fix that always makes me feel good. It gets me high. Food always comes through for me setting off that chemical reaction so all those little neurons or whatever, pump out the "happy hormones" until I feel like I'm on top of the world....for a while. It's a drug for me and I'm a total addict. I have lost the ability to fix my inner problems any other way.
I do realize now that my desire for food has taken over and it is now in control instead of me or better yet God. I said I was going to be honest and I meant it. I can't control this. I'm paralyzed, I can't solve this problem I have. But I still cling to the hope that He can. I have been praying and will continue to pray that God shows me what to do to get this desire for food out of the "driver's seat" in my life and put Him back in it. It sounds so cliche and it is a little bit but that doesn't make it true. I need God because I'm at the bottom of the barrel, I have nowhere else to go...I have lost my battle of the bulge. But I remain confident that nothing is impossible for God. I just have to turn it over to Him however, I need Him to help me do even that!
Prayer sisters! I ask for prayer. Prayer that I would allow God to do what needs to be done in my life. That I would soften, let my pride go and trust Him implicitly. Prayer that I would find the keys to permanent weight control. Prayer that I would listen when He tells me how to be free.
I weigh 260 lbs. I'm fat, out-of-shape and out of control. I am just a bite away from 300 lbs or more, I have one toe in the grave. It's time to be honest with myself and everyone. This post is my first step.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
I really don't like to make resolutions because I have never followed a New Year Resolution through. So for years I haven't made any...officially. But...I always have goals for the year at the beginning of the year which I now realize is almost the same thing. I rarely follow through on these goals either so I have decided to make different goals this year that might help me achieve the old ones.
1) Old Goal: To read my Bible daily.
New Goal: To set aside time to read my Bible daily.
My thinking behind the new goal: I read in an article once that if you try to form a habit in baby steps often you will just complete the whole step. The author of the article said he was going to start a habit of running by just first only setting out his running clothes for the next morning. However he discovered that on the first morning where he had set out the running clothes, he decided to take a step further and went just running.
2) Old Goal: To lose weight.
The following New Goals should help me achieve the old goal.
New Goal: To change my relationship with food. To work on seeing it as enjoyable sustenance instead of something to use to make me feel better when I feel badly.
New Goal: To find ways to deal with bad feelings other than by eating.
New Goal: To set aside a time to exercise daily (see my thinking on New Goal #1 =})
New Goal: To eat at home almost exclusively and avoid pre-packaged foods. Whole, unadulterated food!
New Goal: To use Plan to Eat,
3) Old Goal: To have a clean house.
New Goal: To have the kids pick up their stuff every night before dinner.
4) Old Goal: To watch less TV.
New Goal: To try one new thing a month and do it at least once a week during regular TV viewing hours.
5) Old Goal: To make new friends.
New Goal: To join a "moms" group that a friend invited me to.
Okay, I think that's good enough. Have you made any New Year's Resolutions this year???
1) Old Goal: To read my Bible daily.
New Goal: To set aside time to read my Bible daily.
My thinking behind the new goal: I read in an article once that if you try to form a habit in baby steps often you will just complete the whole step. The author of the article said he was going to start a habit of running by just first only setting out his running clothes for the next morning. However he discovered that on the first morning where he had set out the running clothes, he decided to take a step further and went just running.
2) Old Goal: To lose weight.
The following New Goals should help me achieve the old goal.
New Goal: To change my relationship with food. To work on seeing it as enjoyable sustenance instead of something to use to make me feel better when I feel badly.
New Goal: To find ways to deal with bad feelings other than by eating.
New Goal: To set aside a time to exercise daily (see my thinking on New Goal #1 =})
New Goal: To eat at home almost exclusively and avoid pre-packaged foods. Whole, unadulterated food!
New Goal: To use Plan to Eat,
3) Old Goal: To have a clean house.
New Goal: To have the kids pick up their stuff every night before dinner.
4) Old Goal: To watch less TV.
New Goal: To try one new thing a month and do it at least once a week during regular TV viewing hours.
5) Old Goal: To make new friends.
New Goal: To join a "moms" group that a friend invited me to.
Okay, I think that's good enough. Have you made any New Year's Resolutions this year???
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I'm Back?
I haven't been a very prolific blogger lately....last post was two months ago?!?!?!?! It's been rough going at my house. October was flu month at our house. As soon as someone got well someone else got sick. And when I got sick I was down for 2 weeks. I can't remember being that ill ever in my life. Yes, the doc suspected Swine Flu but we never had it confirmed.
So October was Flu Month and November was Flu Recovery Month. Along with just putting my house and life back together, I got an itch to get rid of as much stuff as I could before the end of the year. I became a maniac filling bags with clothes for the Goodwill and tearing into our closets, boxes and whatnot. ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! I still have more to do but it feels good to have gotten accomplished what I have so far.
Now in December we've had some issues with my oldest, Bear, come to a head. He's been "off" for weeks now. He had been almost completely unable to concentrate and lost in his "autism world" all the time. He had strayed far out from what is normal behavior for him and making some incredibly poor and dangerous choices. We found him lighting matches in the house twice. He left school without his brother after school one day. At school he was found in the library when he was supposed to be in the bathroom. I realize that all kids go through growing stages and testing periods but when an autistic child does this it's magnified. Plus, the typical parenting methods often don't work with those on the autism spectrum. We tried everything and then I finally called his neurologist. The doc ordered an MRI and a 24hr EEG. He also prescribed Abilify which freaked me out (just the word "anti-psychotic"....shudder) but I did try it with him.
The MRI and EEG were normal of course and didn't give us any pertinent information. However, Bear has been on Abilify for about 10 days and I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS BEHAVIOR! The drug not only helped him to get back to normal functioning for Bear, he is functioning BETTER than what is normal for him!!!!!! He talks to us more and has more complex conversations with us. His "pretend talk", the scripts he says out loud over and over and over, is quieted considerably. He now focuses on tasks better than my typical son! I tell Bear to go brush his teeth and lo and behold! He goes and brushes his teeth! The first time I ask!!!! In general he is calmer and more present with us. I still hate the idea of my 10 year old being on an anti-psychotic drug but if it helps him I will have to go with it. The good outweighs the potential side effects in this case.
Whew! With a lull in our family drama for now I'm finally settling down and ready to enjoy CHRISTmas! I think.....hee hee. The tree is up, lights on the house, I'm actually done with my shopping and 1/2 done with my wrapping. I'm working hard each day to enjoy the season, not expect perfection and build on traditions. Sad that I have to work hard to enjoy things but that's the way it goes when you are a busy mom. Nothing is ever "done" so I have to do my best and ignore what I can't do so I can have some FUN!
I'm also trying to reconnect with Christ. I'm looking for quiet moments to reflect on His birth and what it means. I want to put the CHRIST back in Christmas and put Christ back in my life too. Not just in my life but the ruler of my life as KING, LORD, WONDERFUL COUNSELOR...
I want to use this time with not much trauma to distract me to find Him again. I know He will be there waiting for me...He always is.
I pray you are having a wonderful CHRISTmas and He is blessing your day, your hour, your minute, your very breath...love you Sisters!
So October was Flu Month and November was Flu Recovery Month. Along with just putting my house and life back together, I got an itch to get rid of as much stuff as I could before the end of the year. I became a maniac filling bags with clothes for the Goodwill and tearing into our closets, boxes and whatnot. ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! I still have more to do but it feels good to have gotten accomplished what I have so far.
Now in December we've had some issues with my oldest, Bear, come to a head. He's been "off" for weeks now. He had been almost completely unable to concentrate and lost in his "autism world" all the time. He had strayed far out from what is normal behavior for him and making some incredibly poor and dangerous choices. We found him lighting matches in the house twice. He left school without his brother after school one day. At school he was found in the library when he was supposed to be in the bathroom. I realize that all kids go through growing stages and testing periods but when an autistic child does this it's magnified. Plus, the typical parenting methods often don't work with those on the autism spectrum. We tried everything and then I finally called his neurologist. The doc ordered an MRI and a 24hr EEG. He also prescribed Abilify which freaked me out (just the word "anti-psychotic"....shudder) but I did try it with him.
The MRI and EEG were normal of course and didn't give us any pertinent information. However, Bear has been on Abilify for about 10 days and I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS BEHAVIOR! The drug not only helped him to get back to normal functioning for Bear, he is functioning BETTER than what is normal for him!!!!!! He talks to us more and has more complex conversations with us. His "pretend talk", the scripts he says out loud over and over and over, is quieted considerably. He now focuses on tasks better than my typical son! I tell Bear to go brush his teeth and lo and behold! He goes and brushes his teeth! The first time I ask!!!! In general he is calmer and more present with us. I still hate the idea of my 10 year old being on an anti-psychotic drug but if it helps him I will have to go with it. The good outweighs the potential side effects in this case.
Whew! With a lull in our family drama for now I'm finally settling down and ready to enjoy CHRISTmas! I think.....hee hee. The tree is up, lights on the house, I'm actually done with my shopping and 1/2 done with my wrapping. I'm working hard each day to enjoy the season, not expect perfection and build on traditions. Sad that I have to work hard to enjoy things but that's the way it goes when you are a busy mom. Nothing is ever "done" so I have to do my best and ignore what I can't do so I can have some FUN!
I'm also trying to reconnect with Christ. I'm looking for quiet moments to reflect on His birth and what it means. I want to put the CHRIST back in Christmas and put Christ back in my life too. Not just in my life but the ruler of my life as KING, LORD, WONDERFUL COUNSELOR...
I want to use this time with not much trauma to distract me to find Him again. I know He will be there waiting for me...He always is.
I pray you are having a wonderful CHRISTmas and He is blessing your day, your hour, your minute, your very breath...love you Sisters!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Real Woman Makeover - Day 11
Nancy Leigh DeMoss concluded her messages on the passage of Proverbs 31:10-31 yesterday. However, the series "True Woman Makeover" continues for 20 more days. I enjoyed her message today on 1 Timothy 2:9-10 "Women in the Church".
However, I'm still mulling over, chewing on her messages about Proverbs. I have also been applying what I'm learning to my life with incredible results. DH and I had a long conversation last night about the changes he has seen in me. When I told him about everything I've been learning that has been the background for the changes he's seen actually said to me, "Other than, 'I do' that is the best thing you've ever said to me." Wow. I am so thankful that God lead me to this series and is helping me make the changes I need to make to be the best wife, mother and homemaker God wants me to be.
I am blessed as I wrestle with these truths. It ain't easy but it's right.
However, I'm still mulling over, chewing on her messages about Proverbs. I have also been applying what I'm learning to my life with incredible results. DH and I had a long conversation last night about the changes he has seen in me. When I told him about everything I've been learning that has been the background for the changes he's seen actually said to me, "Other than, 'I do' that is the best thing you've ever said to me." Wow. I am so thankful that God lead me to this series and is helping me make the changes I need to make to be the best wife, mother and homemaker God wants me to be.
I am blessed as I wrestle with these truths. It ain't easy but it's right.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Real Woman Makeover- Day 10
In today's message in her "The Counter Cultural Woman" Nancy Leigh DeMoss says:
"So many times in our own lives, we’re holding onto our lives: my rights, my time, my privacy, my peace of mind, my space. If we live selfish lives now, we will reap the fruit of our own hands.
A woman told me last night that when she first became a Christian as a young wife that she determined she was going to go home and be this model wife. She was going to submit to her husband; she was going to be meek and quiet-spirited. She said, “I went home and I just tried and tried.” After two weeks, we could just see in her face that she was exhausted. She said, “I realized I couldn’t do it.”
Today I am being put to the test about all these things I've been learning. It's almost as if God is asking me, "Have you REALLY heard me? Are you ready to apply what you've been learning?" Here are some of the things I'm being challenged with:
1. Monkey is still sick and getting worse. His breathing has become really shallow and it freaks me out that he will get an infection! I have to take him back to the doctor this morning to check for pneumonia.
2. Bear has broken a tooth and I have a dental appointment for him right after Monkey is done at the doctor. What adds mental anguish to the "broken tooth situation" is that Bear broke the tooth while trying to pull out a permanent tooth. He read a story about a little boy losing a baby tooth and getting money from the tooth fairy and he decided to try and make some money for a new video game. He has been making a lot of poor decisions lately (lighting matches and putting the lit match back in the matchbox, pulling his hair out to be like "Horton" in Horton Hears a Who, acting out in class, etc). So something is going on with Bear but DH and I can't seem to understand it and Bear (who has autism) can't explain to us what's going on.
3. Baby Girl hasn't had much attention all week as I've been taking care of Monkey while trying to keep the house together and she is acting out.
4. My husband is having a horrible week at work and he's having some stomach problems. Which means I have to be very careful in what I make him to eat as not to aggravate his problems.
5. On top of all this my lower back is screaming in pain. My lower back often aches because of the way my spine curves a bit at the bottom giving me a "duck tail" butt but the pain is worse than it's ever been.
Honestly, there's more things crashing down on me right now but I will stop here because what I've mentioned already is enough to explain the pressure I'm under. I feel exhausted, worried, frustrated, trapped, alone and burdened. Okay, I think I've made my point that I need God's help to get through today more than most days!
I have two consolations in all this mess. One my God is faithful to provide everything I need to get through today. He has boundless supply of wisdom, energy, encouragement, etc and has put it at my disposal. All I have to do is ask and trust Him. Two, Dear Husband is being really encouraging and as understanding as he can be. He has been listening to me and helping out where he can. I am trying to remember that he is having a tough week too at work and asking God for the strength to support DH as he supports me.
I have to lay it all down this week. I have to find my strength in Him who loves me and knows my needs before I do. He knew this week was coming, He is prepared to help me with all of it and more!
Here is the interpretation of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today from the Message:
10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
"So many times in our own lives, we’re holding onto our lives: my rights, my time, my privacy, my peace of mind, my space. If we live selfish lives now, we will reap the fruit of our own hands.
A woman told me last night that when she first became a Christian as a young wife that she determined she was going to go home and be this model wife. She was going to submit to her husband; she was going to be meek and quiet-spirited. She said, “I went home and I just tried and tried.” After two weeks, we could just see in her face that she was exhausted. She said, “I realized I couldn’t do it.”
Let me say, the moment you come to realize that you cannot do what God has called you to do by yourself, that is one of the greatest discoveries you’ll ever make. That’s the starting place to victory."
Today I am being put to the test about all these things I've been learning. It's almost as if God is asking me, "Have you REALLY heard me? Are you ready to apply what you've been learning?" Here are some of the things I'm being challenged with:
1. Monkey is still sick and getting worse. His breathing has become really shallow and it freaks me out that he will get an infection! I have to take him back to the doctor this morning to check for pneumonia.
2. Bear has broken a tooth and I have a dental appointment for him right after Monkey is done at the doctor. What adds mental anguish to the "broken tooth situation" is that Bear broke the tooth while trying to pull out a permanent tooth. He read a story about a little boy losing a baby tooth and getting money from the tooth fairy and he decided to try and make some money for a new video game. He has been making a lot of poor decisions lately (lighting matches and putting the lit match back in the matchbox, pulling his hair out to be like "Horton" in Horton Hears a Who, acting out in class, etc). So something is going on with Bear but DH and I can't seem to understand it and Bear (who has autism) can't explain to us what's going on.
3. Baby Girl hasn't had much attention all week as I've been taking care of Monkey while trying to keep the house together and she is acting out.
4. My husband is having a horrible week at work and he's having some stomach problems. Which means I have to be very careful in what I make him to eat as not to aggravate his problems.
5. On top of all this my lower back is screaming in pain. My lower back often aches because of the way my spine curves a bit at the bottom giving me a "duck tail" butt but the pain is worse than it's ever been.
Honestly, there's more things crashing down on me right now but I will stop here because what I've mentioned already is enough to explain the pressure I'm under. I feel exhausted, worried, frustrated, trapped, alone and burdened. Okay, I think I've made my point that I need God's help to get through today more than most days!
I have two consolations in all this mess. One my God is faithful to provide everything I need to get through today. He has boundless supply of wisdom, energy, encouragement, etc and has put it at my disposal. All I have to do is ask and trust Him. Two, Dear Husband is being really encouraging and as understanding as he can be. He has been listening to me and helping out where he can. I am trying to remember that he is having a tough week too at work and asking God for the strength to support DH as he supports me.
I have to lay it all down this week. I have to find my strength in Him who loves me and knows my needs before I do. He knew this week was coming, He is prepared to help me with all of it and more!
Here is the interpretation of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today from the Message:
10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
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