Friday Funnies

Mother's Day

My DH (Dear Husband) mentioned to me that he was thinking of making reservations at a very nice restaurant in town for Mother's Day brunch for our family this year. I was surprised to find myself screaming "Noooooo!" at the top of my lungs in my head. I have a toddler and two energetic school age boys and a fancy brunch with them sounds like hell on earth to me, Mother's Day or no Mother's Day. I see myself all dressed up but with a booger on each shoulder, make-up running down my sweaty face from getting myself AND the kids ready to go out ("Moooom! Where are my shoes?!?!?!) , taking one sip of my mimosa and then having to chase my toddler around the table while trying to explain to the boys what a "frittata" is only to have them say "Ewww, can I have a cheeseburger?". No, that does not sound like something I am interested in doing. Aren't I awful???

My sweet DH had all the love in his eyes when he presented this idea to me and I know that he knows I would love to have brunch at a fancy pants place..................but I don't think he knows I would want to go without the kids. "But it's Mother's Day." He would say, "Don't you want to be with your kids on Mother's Day?" Um, honestly? Are we talking about something I would ENJOY to celebrate the work I do? For now, during this season of my role as a Mama, a perfect Mother's Day to me would be a day all alone, sipping my mimosa in a bubble bath. But I couldn't tell DH that. So, instead of telling him that I'd rather bathe an elephant herd than go to a fancy brunch with our children I very diplomatically told him a nice, big breakfast at home sounded lovely to me. I think he bought it.

Someday, when my boys are in college and my baby girl is in high school I would LOVE to dine at a beautiful restaurant with them. There will be a Mother's Day somewhere in my future, when the conversation will be about how their classes are going and what their friends are up to and everyone at the table can cut their own meat, I will sit back, sip my mimosa and enjoy the fruits of my labor. However, since I can be totally honest and show my "Train-Wreck" self here on my blog, I've decided to list my top 10 things that I would really want for Mother's Day this year:

10. To sleep, for about 24 hours straight.
9. To not cook a meal for an entire day and not hear anyone complain over and over that they are hungry and then say "yuck!" about what I spent and hour cooking for them.
8. To hear only my own breath going in and out instead of "Moooom! He took my Star Wars guy and buried him in the backyard, AGAIN!"
7. To see only bubble bath, flowers and coffee cake instead of poop, dirty fingernails and a sink full of dishes.
6. To watch a movie that is not a cartoon AND to only have to refill my OWN popcorn bowl.
5. To enjoy a delightful meal at a gorgeous restaurant while having conversation with adults about music, culture and simple living instead of pretending to eat fake food over and over and over that was "cooked" in my baby girl's kitchen while threatening my boys within an inch of their lives if they don't KNOCK IT OFF! (Whatever they are doing that is loud......)
4. To take a leisurely shower, apply make-up, style hair and put on a smart outfit without any interruptions. ("Mom? Whoops! Sorry, I didn't know you were naked........but I don't have any more clean shirts and the baby took her poopy diaper off and put it in the toilet.")
3. To think only about what I want to do for the day.
2. To not feel guilty that there are actually things that I want to do for the day.
1. To have back my pre-baby body and do things I used to do with DH under the covers (or where ever).............and then sleep for 12 more hours.

I love being a mom, I truly do. It is the best thing I've ever done. But an escape from Motherhood, just for one day would be nice, wouldn't it? Just to catch your breath and then go back to it..........................

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ALL MY DEAR MAMA FRIENDS! Have a mental mimosa in the bubble bath on me!