We Were Swindled

A few years ago DH and I had quite a bit of credit card debt. We were fine, making our payments but I wanted to be smart about it. I wanted to consolidate them and pay them off BEFORE we had trouble making payments. I didn't anticipate having trouble but we kept using them whenever we had an emergency (like car repair, leaky roof, etc). I couldn't make our credit card payments and save too so I was looking for some expert advice. I picked the wrong place, Ameridebt. The long and the short of it is they were crooks. They had us pay them one lump payment and they were supposed to pay our credit cards but they didn't pay our credit cards. We gave them $1,200 before we found out that we were delinquent on all of our 3 cards! We called Ameridebt, we emailed them, we tried to get in touch any way we knew how but they had vanished.

So we borrowed some money against our mortgage and "fixed" our situation. Thankfully we had options, I'm sure many people that Ameridebt ripped off had no options. Like I said this was a few years ago, maybe 2005? Anyway, there was a class action lawsuit filed and just today I got our "settlement". For the $1,200 we gave these crooks plus the late fees we racked up, and all the problems it caused us we got a measly $61.08. I'm so frustrated right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also went to the link about the lawsuit and found out that the main defendant behind Ameridebt, Andris Pukke (no kidding that's his real name), was ordered to pay $35 million dollars but refused. He spent some time in jail and then finally paid some money but not the $35 million. I wonder how much we would have gotten back if Mr. Pukke had paid what the courts ordered him too. http://www.polacsekclass.com/

I'm going to have to pray for the ability to forgive Mr. Pukke because right now I'm feeling pretty mad and unforgiving. I will be meditating on Matthew 6:14-15. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

A Now For Something Completly Different............

Note: For the 1 or 2 single women who read my blog the subject matter of this post is about marital sex. For the sake of purity, you may want to skip reading this one if you are single.

After my last blog this one is going to be a bit of a shock. This is going to be quite the 180 but here goes. I have found the most interesting website that is quite a blessing to me as a Christian wife. It is www.christiannymphos.org. Yes, you read that right. My husband sent it to me because he thought it was a joke. He didn't go to the site itself (good boy!) he just heard about it and thought it was funny. Well, it's not funny per se. It's an awesome Christian ministry that a handful of very open, daring women have that exists to help married women have fulfilling sex lives with their husbands (of course!). I was VERY skeptical when I first looked at it and I almost closed it out without really looking at it for fear I would see something offensive but I didn't. These women are very honest, very sexual and very godly. Although they believe in lots of spicy ways to spend time in the bedroom they also believe in very strict boundaries and the Bible is the ultimate authority on what is and is not okay sexually speaking. Even though they explain how they came up with their name "Christian Nymphos" I think they should have chosen something other than "nympho" because to most people (especially Christian women) that word means something sinful but I digress.............

I recommend checking the site out if you are a Christian woman looking to spice up her love life. Or if you just want to see that some of the things you feel sexually for your husband or things you have done sexually with your husband are "normal" in the Christian circles. I have been married 11 years and until I found this site I wondered if some of the things DH and I do are okay, meaning okay with God. (Don't worry, I won't go into detail, that's between me and DH =}. ) I always thought our sex life was acceptable to God but sometimes I thought maybe I was the only Christian woman on the planet who engaged in certain sexual activities with her husband (again, no details). But the Christian Nymphos made me aware that there are many, many Christian women out there who have spicy sex lives and do not offend God with their bedroom activities!

The first time DH and I had sex after I'd found the site I felt such a freedom to enjoy what I was doing. For the first time in 11 years of marriage, sex finally felt completely right. It had always felt mostly right but for some reason I thought I was the only Christian woman who enjoyed sex so I felt guilty about it. I know, I know crazy girl!!!!! Of course that's crazy and when I think about that now I feel stupid to have ever thought that. But I'm very glad that I found the site and that I freed myself from thinking anything that God created was even a little bit "bad" and that lots of solid Christian couples were enjoying the "act of marriage" in lots of creative ways.

I told DH I had actually learned a few new tricks on the site but when we had sex I was having such a good time with our old tricks that I forgot all about the new stuff. Afterward I think DH was a little disappointed (although not very disappointed, most men are pretty happy after sex) because I didn't do anything new. But I had more fun than usual because I was finally uninhibited.

Anyway, check it out if you want to. If you are totally fulfilled sexually, good for you and God Bless your bedroom activities!!!!!! Now I know that God DOES bless bedroom activities! Oh my goodness, am I blushing?????

Coming Apart at the Seams

I know what my mother would say to me..........."This too shall pass." Maybe I'll give her a call later so I can hear her say it. I know that the struggles of today will not be with me forever and those words gives me some comfort but then I look around me at my 1/2 put together, 1/2 falling apart, 1/2 clean, 1/2 messy house and feel disheartened. I look down at the weird outfit I pulled out of a basket of what I think was clean clothes in the dark this morning and wonder what the other moms on the school playground thought of my garnet colored sweatpants paired with a light purple shirt. And as I sigh over the frumpy, rumpled, mismatched ensemble I've thrown on my back I notice my big belly, spreading thighs and think of the ample backyard behind me and I sigh again.

I feel like I'm 1/2 way there on everything right now and the struggle to be "whole" is making me feel like coming apart at the seams. I constantly feel the weight of everything I have to do: clean house, make meals, no, make HEALTHY meals, exercise, lose weight, give the kids attention, sort through all our crap from the move, sell most of the crap on craigslist, finish decorating my home, read my Bible, pray, find a playgroup for Baby Girl, find friends for myself, make dentist appointments, balance the family budget, set up some therapies for Bear, laundry, laundry, laundry, oh and did I mention laundry? I feel buried and paralyzed most of the time and I'm tired of feeling this way. Will I ever have a clean, organized home? Will I ever lose weight? Will I ever give God part of my day to read His word and pray? Will I ever feel like I've done enough for my kids?

In an effort to get out from under the "rubble" of my daily list of "to do's" I have been staying up until 12-1am trying to finish up all the work I have from left over from the day. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm exhausted and honestly not much more put together than I normally am. Certainly not more organized enough to be worth losing all that sleep. I keep thinking if I just had some help I would be more together but I can't think of what people could help me with except take care of my kids I guess. But then they will bring the kids back to me and I will struggle to maintain what I've organized!!!!! I feel like I need full-time daycare to be a SAHM. How ridiculous is that statement?!?!?!?! I often struggle with the thought that I should just go back to work, hire a full-time, full-charge nanny/household manager and let someone else do my job because I suck at it.

Why do I think I suck at it? It seems like other moms are more together than I am. I look at the other moms in the morning taking their kids to school and they have matching outfits on, look like they have showered in the past two days and some of them even have MAKE-UP on! They don't look haggard, or frustrated or tired. Another example, I am trying to join a babysitting co-op and I went to a couple of "meet-and-greets" this weekend. A "meet-and-greet" is when you go to one of the co-ops homes to check it out and make sure you feel comfortable taking your child there. The two ladies homes I visited were much more put together than mine! Well, you just moved, you might say to me. Well, these ladies just moved too. One moved into her home in March and the other in June (which is when I moved in to this house). Well, you have a special needs child, you might say to me. Well, the one mom had a down syndrome toddler AND 3 children like I do. SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? Do I not know how to be a homemaker or am I just lazy? Are these two moms the exception to the rule? Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion that they are not. I am the exception to the rule.

It doesn't help that I am married to the poster boy for organization. My DH is orderly, on-time, disciplined and responsible. His "yes means yes" and his "no means no". He does what he says he will do and he does it right away. Sometimes I console myself with the fact that when he does his work he doesn't have 3 little people hanging on his legs keeping him from his work but I think he could do my job better even with the kids hanging all over him.

Gosh, I'm in a foul mood and done complaining now. The pity party is over gotta get back to work. This too shall pass.........I think.

Nobody Liked My Chili but Me..............

..............sigh. I've been trying to cook the Traditional Foods way www.westonaprice.org and yesterday I made this gorgeous chili with grass fed ground beef, kidney & pinto beans, corn and zucchini. Along with garlic, onion, various spices I added a can of organic pureed tomato and three strips of uncured nitrate-free bacon along with the grease (the Traditional diet is BIG on animal fats. Supposedly you have to eat fat to lose fat? We'll see...........). I thought it was fabulous but hubby said it wasn't "hot" enough, Bear really struggled with the zucchini and Monkey ate it but said he "didn't like it". So I'm discouraged because I worked so hard on dinner and I was the only one who enjoyed it ={. Actually, come to think of it, Baby Girl liked it too. Maybe it's a Chick Chili =}. So if you are getting together with your girlfriends for a Bible Study or Bunco Night, try my chili =}

Crockpot Chick Chili
2 lb ground beef (preferably grass-fed)
2-3 cloves garlic minced
1 small onion finely chopped
1 32 oz can pureed tomato
1 c. beef broth
1 15 oz can red kidney beans
1 15 oz can pinto beans
salt and pepper (to taste)
1-2 t. chili powder
1 T. garlic powder
2 t. basil
1-2 t. oregano
1 t. cumin
1 c. cooked sweet corn
2-3 medium raw zucchini chopped into big chunks
2-3 strips of cooked bacon (finely chopped) w/the grease

top with:
shredded cheese (optional)
sour cream or plain yogurt (optional)

Brown ground beef with onion and garlic, drain and set aside. Put bacon in pan and cook until crispy. Combine the remaining ingredients in a crockpot and add beef (don't forget to add the bacon grease!). Mix and taste, add more seasonings if you want. Cook for 2+ hours on low, needs at least 2 hours, will be better if you cook it more like 4 hours. Serve topped with shredded cheese and sour cream or plain yogurt. Enjoy Chicas!

Disgusted, Angry, Regretful and Determined

I am DISGUSTED by this video and the information in it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IGtDPG4UfI&feature=related

Note: If you've ever eaten at McDonald's or other fast food (who hasn't) you may find this video a bit disgusting and disturbing but you HAVE to watch it before you feed your children a Happy Meal again!

I'm ANGRY that the fast food industry has fed us this crap and marketed it to our CHILDREN for so long and I'm ANGRY at consumers for allowing it to happen. Basically I'm angry at myself.

I'm REGRETFUL for every fast food meal I've ever consumed and even more REGRETFUL, to the point of tears, that I ever allowed my children to put McCrap's, non-food substances into their precious bodies.

Finally, I'm DETERMINED to NEVER, EVER put that non-food garbage into my body or my children's bodies again! I used to let them eat fast food with other people (friends, relatives, etc) NOPE! After that video I'm now one of those irritating moms who will insist on healthy food for her kids no matter where they are. (Forgive me kids..........you'll thank me one day =}).

Forgive us Lord, we know not what we do and even when we DO know, sometimes we do it anyway!

Just No Fun At All

Want to know what's really painful? A kidney infection. Yeah, it really, really hurts. It started Wednesday, I just had this all over "yucky" feeling. I was bopping around the house doing my thing when all of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach, really tired and I had this overwhelming urge to lay down. That feeling of malaise continued through Thursday and Friday and I chalked it up to PMS. Then Friday night my back started hurting. The pain was in the middle of my back and on both sides. Not a "normal" back pain for me. I have no idea what made me think I might have a urinary tract infection but for some reason decided to get home test strips from the pharmacy. The stick turned dark purple immediately indicating infection.

So, since it was Saturday, off to Urgent Care I went. Apparently the stick the nurse dipped in my urine at the Urgent Care turned dark purple too. The doctor said I had a pretty bad bladder infection. However, he was baffled that it doesn't hurt when I pee like is common with bladder infections. I told him my back hurt so he said, "oh it's a kidney infection then." Urgent Care docs.....hmmmmm....

Then there was more drama at the Pharmacy. I forgot to tell them doc I'm still nursing but I remembered to ask the pharmacist if I could take the antibiotic the doc prescribed while nursing. He said "no". So there was faxing back and forth between the pharmacy and the Urgent Care. The pharmacy was closing and the issue still hadn't been resolved so it looked like if I wanted to start the antibiotic immediately (which was probably a good idea) I would have to suddenly wean Baby Girl. Sheesh!! I made the (probably unwise) decision to forego the antibiotic and try to get the matter resolved in the morning. I was really worried though and prayed when I got home that God would help me somehow. And He did. The doctor called me and said that the antibiotic is safe for a nursing mom as long as the baby is older than 2 months. I did some checking on the Internet and yep, safe. That idiotic pharmacist!!!!!! What a waste of everyone's time. I told him my daughter was 17 months and I only nursed her 2 times a day. So Urgent Care Doc faxed a new prescription over to a 24 hr pharmacy and I started taking it last night. Whew!

Today I've had 2 rounds of the antibiotic but honestly I don't feel much better and my back hurts worse. I've been dulling the pain with 800 mg of Advil. It it's not better by tomorrow I'm going to have to go to my regular doc. This is so annoying! And painful. Lovely weekend it's been on the couch.

I have a few choice words for my hormones...

Why is it that some months PMS is worse than others? This month for some reason I am neck deep in female hormones and my poor family is suffering for it. I am super snappy, wickedly weepy and horribly horny. I'm also dropping everything, totally clumsy, I can't focus, exhausted, I can't focus (oh, did I say that already......) and bloated up like a big fat blubbery whale. I dream about chocolate at night and chomp on it constantly all day. It's so bad this month if I didn't know better I would think I was pregnant.

I know I'm not telling any of my "readers" =} anything they don't know or experience. I just have to pound it all out on my keyboard. It's making me feel better somehow. Well, moment's gone. I think I'll go chug down some chocolate milk while I aimlessly roam around the house 1/2 accomplishing tasks.

My poor children, my poor husband. Now I know why tribal cultures sent their women to grass huts outside the village during that "time of the month". I used to think it was because they were bleeding and they didn't want the blood all over their huts. Now I realize it's because they are crazy. Being alone in a grass hut sounds pretty good right now. If I wasn't terrified of going through menopause I would take herbs or whatever to usher it in quickly. Unfortunately I have about 10 years (TEN YEARS) of this crap left. I hate being a girl.

Honey the Miracle Drug Part 2

7 DAYS LATER AND IT'S STILL WORKING! Alita is sleeping through the night!!! I'm still not caught up on sleep but I see the end in sight. If you have a kiddo who can't sleep or has trouble going to sleep TRY IT!!!!

Honey-the Miracle Drug

I read this kooky thing about honey, that if you take a 1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon before bed it can help you sleep better. It's supposed to help kids too and Baby Girl has never been a good sleeper. She usually wakes up at least once at night and won't go back to sleep until I nurse her. She is also usually an early riser (5am, even when it's still dark out). Baby Girl is old enough for honey and I'm desperate for her to sleep better at night I decided to try it.

I have given Baby Girl about 1/2-3/4 t. of honey before bed for the last 3 nights and SHAZAAM! Sleeping all the way through the night and sleeping until 7am!!!!!!!!!! She has "stirred" a bit and make a couple of noises in the middle of the night but she quickly goes back to sleep and I don't have get out of bed and nurse her! As I type this it's 7:15am and she IS STILL ASLEEP!!!

I have tried EVERYTHING to get that kid to sleep better at night and nothing has seemed to make a difference except the honey. It's only been 3 nights but she has NEVER slept through the night for 3 nights in a row and NEVER slept past 6am. I guess sometimes kooky ideas work. If this keeps up I just may actually get some real rest for the first time since she's been born and start feel human again in a couple of weeks, okay maybe a couple of months...............

I'll let you all know if it doesn't continue to work as well. If you have trouble sleeping I recommend trying it!!!

S.A.H.M.'s Little Customers

As I sit here in my dirty, dirty house wishing my 3 beautiful children would be whisked away by a Mary Poppins type for a week so I could catch up on the laundry, dishes, scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, organizing, planning, shopping and on and on and on!!!!!!!!!! I'm just so tired of being INTERRUPTED when I'm trying to accomplish a task! Then I remember something that an old boss of mine gave us to help with customer service. It helped put things in perspective for me in that workplace and I realized today they could help me put things in perspective here in my home (aka my new workplace). Here it is below, I substituted the words "children" for "customers" and where appropriate:

A. Our children (and husband) are the most important people we know.
B. They are not an interruption of our work, they are the purpose of it.
C. Our children are the reason for our being here at home.
D. They are not cold statistics, rather, they are human beings.
E. Children are not to argue with - but to help.
F. Children are persons who come to us for assistance in filling their needs.
G. Children are deserving of the most courteous and attentive treatment we can offer.
H. Children are the ones who make it possible for us to earn our salaries (heavenly salaries, that is).
I. Children (along with us and our husbands) are the lifeblood of our home.

I want to put a copy of this on my fridge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what? I think I'll do just that!

How are you doing on your "customer service" today? Frankly, I'm stinking at it at the moment but I aspire to do better!

Here's what I want to know.............

Unless you've been living under a rock you know that our economy is in big trouble. Here's my question (coming from a totally un-economic mind): all I keep hearing is we have to get the "credit flowing again", "free up the flow of credit", etc, etc. Now, I know that our family's goal in our personal budget is to get rid of debit so why is it a good thing to make it possible for our economy to run on credit again? It's also my understanding that the 700 billion dollar Bail Out Plan was to BORROW money from China to get our country running on credit again. Does this sound crazy to anyone else???? It's like paying credit cards with credit cards. Sounds like a bad idea to me. Why are we trying to free up imaginary money? That's how I see credit for the spender, imaginary money. Of course to the lender credit is not only real money but it's income through interest. Hmmmm, paying more interest as a country and spending money we don't have................doesn't sound like a good idea to me. But then again, what do I know?

God Bless the Public School!

My boys attend a year-round school schedule and I love it however, when they are on a school break, I reach my breaking point towards the end just about every time. And we are on our last week before they go back and I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!! I feel like taking them school tomorrow morning and BEGGING the Principal to take them back early. I adore my boys so I feel totally guilty wanting them to "go away" for 6 hours a day. It's just so hard to keep 2 active boys entertained all day and get all the laundry, shopping, cleaning, etc done. I feel guilty when I'm not providing them with ample educational activities during their vacations. I feel like we should be baking our own bread, making a model of the solar system and visiting all the local points of interest. I started this break with great gusto. We went to the park every day, baked our own granola bars (they were gross!), went to the Sacramento Kids Space Museum, did some math activities on the computer and read books together. But I have no time to myself to regenerate and so I'm petering out. They watched 3 hours of TV this morning and I STILL got nothing done. DH says "Make 'em work, have them help you with your chores." Yeah, if your a mom (I don't know who else reads this but moms) you probably just laughed at that. It takes at least twice the energy to get them to do things as it does to do it myself. Not to mention at ages 6 & 8 there isn't much they can do without at least some of my help. So that really isn't a solution to uncomplicated my day.

Right now, as I type this DD has a cereal box tipped over and is eating out of it, Monkey is clamoring around upstairs doing who only knows what. He is wearing only a pair of shorts since I need to do laundry and he's out of underwear and shirts. Bear is running around in his underwear with his blanket off his bed tied around his neck shouting something about being "Captain Underwear". At least he's being creative with the clean clothes deficit around here. My sink is full of dishes, the bathrooms are getting a bit gross, I haven't showered in 2 days, etc, etc, etc. And I'm sitting here frozen on my computer. I have such a hard time doing anything around the house when there is chaos around me. I like to have things fairly mellow when I work. Not totally quiet but not raucous either! Not really a good quality for a SAHM.

Okay, enough whining. They go back to school on Monday and this weekend I get to "get away" from it all for a bit. DD and I are flying up to visit my Dad and Grandma in WA state. My sis is flying in from PA so I get to see her too. My Grandma will be 90 next Feb but she's not doing well so my sis and I wanted to visit her asap. I'm really looking forward to the break from the boys. (Ouch, that hurts to write and I will feel guilty about it for the next 10 minutes).

Well, signing off from deep in the bowels of SAHMdom. It's not always like this but on days like today I think about going back to work full-time.

The Finish Line!

Midnight last night marked the end of my 21-days on a vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, caffeine-free diet!!!!! I made it!!! I actually made it 21-days! The only time I cheated was when I was feeding DD some yogurt and I licked a drop off my finger. But that was an accident, just a habit. I'm proud of the fact that I ate well for 21-days but I'm more proud of the fact that I just did it all the way up into the very end. You see I typically give up early when I'm doing something challenging. A couple of years ago DH and I did a fasting cleanse for 5 days. It was great, I loved it but I gave up 1/2 way through day 4. I always quit right before the finish line and so I was hell-bent and determined not to do that this time. I also always rationalize things when I'm trying to follow someone else's plan. Like when I did Weight Watchers, I would follow it sort-of but I would rationalize all kinds of stuff, "just this little bit over my points won't hurt." So not to overly celebrate here but I DID IT! I DID EXACTLY WHAT THE PLAN WAS FOR EXACTLY HOW LONG I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT FOR! YEA!!!!

Last night at midnight I made a grilled cheese sandwich and it was the best I've ever eaten. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I had a little bit of ice cream. The food really did taste good, better than usual. I think my taste buds were dead. My coffee this morning was outrageously good. I tasted things in it I've never tasted before. The flavors were much more complex. And I only drank one cup and was satisfied instead of my usual 3 cups. Last night I was really hungry at midnight and that grilled cheese sandwich was totally satisfying. I ate about 1/8th of the amount of ice cream I would usually eat. So in a nutshell I think I reached my goal of gaining control over food. Now how to keep it.................................

I've been reading up on a way of eating called "Traditional Foods". It's like the opposite of how I was eating but when I read the articles and research it resonates with me. It's a high animal fat (primarily) grain-fed, free range, organic animals), raw whole milk, tons of organic veggies, legumes and fruit, low on grains (and it focuses on sprouted grains), low to no sugar diet. So it's kinda low carb but not really. It boasts itself as a "nutrient dense" diet. It's based on research by a Dr. Weston Price http://www.westonprice.org who studied the diets of healthy indigenous people all over the world. I'm a bit nervous about it for two reasons: one, it advocates eating a lot of foods that have been demonized by popular opinion for the past 2 decades and two, it sounds expensive!!!!! But I read a couple of weight loss stories (one guy lost 130 lbs on this diet!!!) and I've been posting messages on discussion boards about how to do this on a moderate budget. I've gotten some good info on how to do this diet and not spend you whole paycheck at the store. The other downside is it's a lot of work but I figure it's worth it if it really has all the health benefits that the Weston Foundation claims.

Almost everyone whose posts I've read on discussion boards says you ease into this diet. It you clear your kitchen and go out and buy all this approved food you will break the bank and overwhelm yourself. I started small today by throwing out my white sugar and flour and replacing it with raw cane sugar and whole wheat flour (we'll get to sprouted grains eventually). I did pick up some raw milk cheese and I HAVE NEVER TASTED SUCH DELICIOUS CHEESE IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, anyhow, I'm going to quit obsessing over diet on my blog posts but I'll keep you posted on how TF (Traditional Foods) is going and if I'm actually losing weight on it or not. Thanks to all who supported me while I did the 21-day thing. Your words of encouragement were very helpful!!!!!

In the Home Stretch.............

Day 16 of my 21-day diet. It's actually getting tougher, rather than easier. Mostly ME WANT JAVA!!!!!!!!! I miss coffee in the worst way. And I am increasingly hunkering for something sweet. Just a little piece of chocolate would be enough (or at least that's what I tell myself). I'm still enjoying what I'm eating. I had a wonderful stir-fry over brown rice last night (see recipe below). It was filling and delicious. My sweet tooth kicked in after dinner and I satisfied it somewhat with some cantaloupe. The food is still good and I do find that I'm mostly tempted to stray when I'm hungry. Once I've eaten it's much easier to forgo foods on the "no-no" list.

I must say I LOVE not having that "bloated-I-ate-way-too-much" feeling. I do feel more alert mentally and I continue to have more energy. However, I am still quite irritable. I'm snapping at my kids and husband. This weekend my DH had to remind me not to take this out on the kids. I cry more often than I usually do. Honestly, I've felt depressed at times. This is hard to admit but for years I lived to eat and it was what I primarily looked forward to and enjoyed. Without treats I find myself wondering what to do with myself. I'm tempted to continue this diet past the 21-days (except I would add caffeine back, I just can't stand it!) to see where this takes me. I'm wondering if after a few months the irritability and mild depression would go away. I'm hoping I would find other ways to enjoy life besides what I put in my mouth.

This has definitely been a trying journey but one I'm very glad to be taking. I am more convinced every day that this was EXACTLY what I needed to do. I'm looking forward to where else this is going to take me.

Abby's 21-Day Diet Stir-Fry

2 T. olive oil
1 package Trader Joe's Vegetable Broth Liquid Concentrate
1 red bell pepper (chopped)
1 zucchini (chopped)
1/2 white onion (chopped)
3 cloves garlic (minced)
1 c. sugar snap peas
1 package Trader Joe's Baked Tofu-Savory flavor (cubed)
2-3 t. Greek Seasoning (I like Cavender's-add as much as you like!)
salt and pepper to taste

Put olive oil in skillet, add package of vege broth concentrate in the middle of the oil, high heat. Wait until the vege concentrate boils a bit, add everything but the tofu. Stir fry over med-high heat until veges soften. Add tofu, season to taste. Warm tofu through. Serve over brown rice.

End of Day 10 and Holding

I have gone 10 whole days eating a vegan diet that's free of sugar, gluten and caffeine!!! And honestly, I've never felt better. And honestly, it's pretty easy too. After about 3 days I stopped craving sugar and coffee with an unbridled passion. I do crave foods sometimes but the craving is so much less that it used to be. It's more like, "oh, that sounds yummy". Instead of "I MUST HAVE THAT NOW OR I WILL DIE AND TAKE OTHERS OUT WITH ME!" I feel like I have obtained my goal of controlling food instead of it controlling me. Now, how to sustain that when the 21 days are up...............

I've also noticed that my moods are more even. I started my period last week and it came to me by surprise because there weren't any severe mood swings and chocolate cravings for days before. I also used to get really moody when I was hungry and now not so much.

Of course I eat less because I can stop eating when I'm full. I have noticed a boost of energy. And the icing on the cake, I've lost 10 lbs.

Now on to what this diet hasn't "fixed". I still crave food when I crave comfort. I got really sick this weekend and all I wanted was food to make me feel better. It was really hard when I couldn't eat my way better. Also, I'm still eating when I'm stressed. I just chomp down a bag of carrots instead of a box of cookies. Yes, overeating carrots is better for me than overeating cookies but it still overeating. I've been praying about it, asking God to help me find comfort and ease stress in ways other than eating. Now that my cold is dissipating I've started exercising again and I know that will help. Once my period ends I'll resume activities in the bedroom and I know that helps (I'm serious!) but there are lots of times I can't stop everything and go for a walk or jump my hubby.

One of the thoughts I've had is that stress and being uncomfortable are just part of the human condition. Something that we have to endure at times for a while. I suppose it develops that thing they call perseverance. Paul says in Romans 5:3-4 "........we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; an perseverance character and character hope." Well, I'm all for having character and hope! I think I'll memorize Romans 5:3-4 and recite it during those times of tribulation (like when my 6 year old spills milk on the kitchen floor I just washed while my 8 year old is screaming at his baby sister in the other room, the baby sister is crying, the phone is ringing and I haven't even had breakfast yet!!!!!) Yes, I think I could endure a lot of things in pursuit of character and hope. I'm sure I'll thank myself someday or rather thank God for each and every opportunity to conform me to His image.

To Hell and Back Again!

Update on the 21-day diet. Somehow my husband convinced me to let go of sugar AND caffeine on the same day! Okay, I had already been thinking about it. I figured if I can't have sugar what's the point of a cup of coffee? Well, I wish I'd followed my original plan and given up sugar and then three days later caffeine. This weekend was HELL! I felt like I had the flu. I spent most of Sat and Sun on the couch, lethargic, with achy muscles and a splitting headache. I took a 2 hour nap on Sunday and STILL went to bed at 9 and went right to sleep. I was in a constant fog, I could barely think straight. I was pretty snappy at my husband but since he is foregoing coffee with me he was understanding. All I could think about on Sunday was glazed Old Fashioned Donuts dunked in coffee. It wasn't pleasant. But today is better. The headache comes and goes but it's tolerable. I have much more energy but still have some pretty strong sugar cravings at times. The Old Fashioned with a cup of joe still sounds mighty good. But then when doesn't a donut sound good?????

Am I glad I'm doing this? Hmmmm...........yeah. At least I know I will be soon like maybe tomorrow.

How It's Going

You may wonder, how's my plan for better health going? I've been meatless for 9 days, gluten-free for 6 days and almost 3 days dairy-free as well. So, it's going well! I'm not hungry and I'm not really struggling with cravings. Every once in a while I feel a surge of anxiety but I've decided that it's just "regular everyday anxiety" that I would normally quell with food. I'm trying to find ways of dealing with the stress other than stuffing my face. No great ideas so far. For now I've been just stopping and simply breathing deeply. It does help to some degree. I think I have to accept that stressful situations happen everyday and remind my self that no stressful situation lasts forever. Just gotta push through the anxious time to a more relaxing one.

I have noticed that my emotions are much more even in general. I assume it's because I'm not flooding my body with calories. Although I don't know exactly how it works I know that when your blood sugar rises and falls fast it can effect your hormones. I've been trying to eat every two hours to keep my blood sugar even.

So, yes, I'm doing well with the foods I've given up so far but I still have the hardest hurdle, sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I let sugar go tomorrow and I'm gearing up for it. I'm really nervous to be honest but I can do it. I considered doing sugar and caffine all at once to get to my 21-days faster but I don't think that is a good idea.

Dieter's High

I am now on day 4 of my quest to better health and weight loss. I've been meatless for 4 days and this is my first day gluten free as well. Right now I'm experiencing that "dieter's high". You know, when you start a new diet and it's all new and exciting. I'm finding all kinds of cool things I can eat and it's fun which makes it easy. Since I fed my son, Bear gluten-free (GF) for 3 years I know all the good GF foods I can enjoy. I'm finding foregoing meat and gluten is not too restricting. When I add dairy in a couple of days that will be challenging. I'm absoluting dreading giving up sugar and I'm honestly scared to give up caffine. But that's why I'm doing this, right? So I control food instead of it controlling me.

I would love to rid myself of this albatross that has been around my neck since my late teens. the albatross being extra weight on my body and an addiction to food. I had a friend when we lived in Arizona who had actually "recovered" from a food addiction. She had weighed 280 at her heaviest but when I knew her she was 125 and had maintained that weight for over 3 years. She felt like she had control over food. She said she hardly thought about food anymore much less obsessed on it. When she was hungry she ate, whatever she felt like eating and stopped when she was full. She had lost that fear that many of us have when you go to a resturaunt or even sit down at your own dinner table and you are totally freaked that you are going to overeat (again) and feel horribly guilty later (not to mention bloated). I must admit I was compeletly jealous of her. Not just the trim little figure she had but the freedom to just eat when you are hungry. I don't what I crave more the smaller body or the peace of mind.

Honestly, I want the peace of mind that I'm being good to myself. And I want the freedom to think about other things besides what's my next meal. I'm continuing to pray for God's help in all this beacuse I haven't a clue how to solve this problem.

Man Around the House

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and have to do their own housework are too tired to have S..E..X!

The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry AND put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that. Ralph was too tired."

Meatless-Stage 1

I want to do that "21-day health challenge" where you don't eat any meat, dairy, animal products, gluten, sugar or caffine for 3 weeks but doing it all at once in one day totally freaked me out. I think if in one single day I became a gluten-free, sugar abstaining, uncaffinated vegan my body would go on strike. I have visions of being carried out of my house in a straight jacket. So here's the plan, 3 days with no meat then on the 4th day delete gluten also. On the 7th day add dairy/eggs to the "no-no list and on the 10th day subtract sugar too. Then on the 13th day go for broke and eliminate all 5 and maintain that for an 21 additional days. Yikes!

Can I do it (and avoid the straight jacket scenerio)? I think so. Why do I want to do it? I feel totally out of control with what I'm eating. It's like my body has a mind of it's own shoving whatever it craves down my throat. Sugar and wheat especially. So I decided I want to give my body a rest from the foods I've been binging on in an effort to regain control. Make sense? I hope it works. I am so tired of looking at an empty box of cookies with regret.

I picked meat to start with because it's the easiest one on the list for me to abstain from. I went totally meatless yesterday and it was very easy. The only trick was making sure I had enough protein from vegan sources. Even though I haven't eliminated dairy yet I know it's around the corner and I'm trying to think ahead. I had a black bean and rice burrito for lunch. I don't think that was enough protein for an entire day but I'm working on it.

My plan after the 21-days is over is to reintroduce 3 of the foods (caffine, dairy and meat) but continue to abstain from sugar and gluten for a while. Sugar and wheat are the things I binge on so I think they are the things I should keep out of my diet for longer. I'm not sure when I will feel "safe" eating sugar and wheat again. Of course all of this is not just an effort to regain control of my eating but also to shed a few (okay, many) pounds. I'm looking at this 21-day challenge as a jumping off point for a weight loss diet.

Well, I'm off to enjoy some vegetarian spaghetti leftover from last night and a lentil salad. I still have a day and a half to enjoy pasta.......................

It's the Little Things That Count

Is it just me or do you do a victory dance when your kids pass a milestone or "get" something? I want to shout it from the rooftops that my 3rd grader UNDERSTANDS REGROUPING!!!!! Finally, after many, many tears at the homework table and even an outburst at school, he "gets" it!!!!!!! What is "regrouping" you ask? They called it "borrowing" back in my day of elementary school math. It's a tough concept for most kids but I guess the struggle makes the victory even more sweet. I'm so proud of Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote of the Week

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Plato

I'm Speechless

When it rains it pours...............I blogged a few days ago about the actress Amanda Peet's comments regarding unvaccinated children being "parasites" and indirectly attacked the current experts thoughts on one of the causes of autism and now a radio host has been making outragously awful comments about autism. The comments are so awful, hateful and insensitive I am speechless. Here are comments about autism/autistic kids made this week by Michael Savage a syndicated radio show host:

"In 99 percent of the cases (of autism), it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, `Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, you idiot.'"

Mr. Savage, said he was trying to "boldly awaken" parents to his view that many children are being wrongly diagnosed with autism. According to Mr. Savage's website rained as a scientist, he holds master's degrees in medical botany and medical anthropology and earned his PhD from the University of California at Berkeley in epidemiology and nutritional science." The university said yesterday that Savage's doctorate, earned in 1978, was in the field of nutritional ethno medicine. So he has a medical, scientific background and may have throughly researched the current autistic epidemic discovered it to be unfounded (which I don't think so.........) however, for such a learned man he doesn't seem to have learned any MANNERS at UC Berkley. How is he "awakening" parents by offending them? If he is truly concerned about parents being led astray by the medical community over diagnosing autism why not do something constructive about it instead resorting to simple name calling and being cruel? Oh, because that wouldn't make him any money or make him famous. Stupid, stupid "shock jock". Mr. Savage for someone with so much education you seem to have obtained no wisdom in this life.

If your stomach can take it, here is a link to the story http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j6X8F7Dkk2QieMRUQfAXl-pDyCvgD922S8P00

Top Five Favorite Comedies

Here are my top five movies that made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself...............

5. Jumping Jack Flash--Whoopi Goldberg at her finest.

4. Meet the Fockers--As the child of Hippy parents I really, really relate to Ben Stiller's character. Barbra Streisand is a hoot!

3. Nine Months--I think Hugh Grant is the funniest man alive. I crack up at every comedy he makes. However, the person in this movie I laugh the hardest at is Joan Cusack. The scene where she's in labor leaves me gasping for air.

2. Galaxy Quest--It's an amazing satire of Star Trek. Being the daughter of a "Trekie" I find this movie HILARIOUS. The entire cast does a supurb comedic job.

1. 40-Year Old Virgin--I didn't want to see this movie from the previews but my husband rented it and I reluctantly agreed to watch it. I figured I would fall asleep 1/2 way through. Instead I laughed till my sides hurt in just about every scene. My favorite one is when Steve Carell gets his chest waxed.

Just Because You are Famous Doesn't Make You Smart

I've been getting this new magazine called "Cookie". I love it! It's meant to be a hybrid of a women's and a parenting magazine. It's great Women's Day meets Parents. The cover is always a female movie star who is also a parent and they do an article on that stars thoughts on motherhood. Last month was Liv Tyler. This month they interviewed Amanda Peet about her experiences being sweet little Frankie's mother blah, blah, blah fine........but then she gets into vaccines. Aparently when Ms. Peet was pregnant she decided to research vaccinations, very wise Ms. Peet and she came to the conclusion that she would fully vaccinate her child, fine, fine that's your choice.......but then she takes it a bit too far. Here is a direct quote "Frankly, I feel that parents who don't vaccinate their children are parasites." PARASITES MS. PEET?!?!?!?!?! Oh dem's fightin' words! I of course took it VERY PERSONALLY since I have not fully vaccinated Josh and Alita's skin has never been touched by an inoculation. It's an inflamatory statement regardless but what really infurates me is Ms. Peet only talked to ONE DOCTOR before making her decision. AND this doctor is the co-creator of the rotovirus vaccine. So, Ms. Peet do you think you may have gotten your info from someone who stands to gain FINANCIALLY from vaccinating children?!?!?!?!?! What ignorance! At the very least talk to a doctor with a differing opinion or read an article or two.

I have chosen not to vaccinate my children and I RESENT someone, much less a Hollywood starlet who is using her fame to call me a PARASITE! I don't call her a FOOL or say she is abusing her child by vaccinating her. Ms. Peet's little girl is only 18 months old. I hope and pray that she won't have to eat her words if her dear darling girl suddenly loses her speech and socialization skills in the next year due to those precious vaccines.

Mad Men (and Women)

I have discovered the AMC show "Mad Men" and I'm totally ADDICTED! I'm able to watch last season's episodes "on demand" and I have to force myself to only watch a couple of episodes a day. The new season starts July 28th so I'm anxious to "catch up" on last season's 13 episodes. If you haven't seen it or heard of it, Mad Men is a drama about the "Madison Avenue Advertising Executives" (nicknamed "Mad Men") set in the early 1960's. It centers around the life and times of one particular Ad man, Don Draper (do you LOVE the cheesy name or what?) The show is basically a thinking person's soap opera, tons of relationship drama, hidden pasts, secrets, sex, even a face slap in the last episode I watched. But carefully woven into all the drama is substance too which is of course the perfect formula for an addictive TV show. Intelligent drama............West Wing anyone?

I love all the drama but several times a show I have deeper thoughts. The show explores the concept of advertising creating and then fueling the unquenchable thirst for heavy product consupmtion in the US. Discussing how advertising was a driving force behind how we live our lives even today.

Also I'm intriuged by the characters. They are real people who aren't all "good" or all "bad". Each one of them is a complex mix of hero and villian as are we all. I listened to an interview with creator and writer of the show Matt Wiener on NPR this week and he stated that he wanted the people to seem "real". He has them do things that are unpredictible and don't seem to "fit" but that's how real people are. You can listen to the interview with Wiener at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12626662

The role of women in society is a dominant theme in the show. Misogyny is of course rampant and at times digusting. I wonder as I watch, was it really THAT bad? But I know it was at times otherwise the women's movement wouldn't have been nessesary. I'm obviously facinated by the SAHM's. How different things were and yet how little things have changed for the woman who is a homemaker. I have had several thoughts brought on by watching the show. I need to just let them gel for now and I'll blog on them later.

Anyway, I'm devouring this show like a good book and am sure I'll have lots to blog about it.

Personal Ad

When I was single and had a good, healthy group of girlfriends all I wanted was a boyfriend and get married. Well, I caught my Prince Charming and have had 10 (almost 11) glorious years with him and I find that as wonderful as he is I really miss my girlfriends!!! I'm actually not just noticing this now, I noticed the hole an absence of female friends made in my life in my first year of marriage. But it's just not that easy to make good female friends as a grown-up and we moved around a lot as newlyweds which makes it even tougher and then once you have kids, well FORGET IT! I barely have time to shower each day much less seek out fabulous women who "get me". Many times you have to spend a great deal of time with people before you know if they are kindred spirits or not. Time I don't have to spend or if I do find the time, the would-be BFF and I are trying to get to know each other in between managing our children on the playground, "Oh, I LOVED that book too, did you read.....Sammy! Get down from there before you break your neck!..........her second novel?..............Jane please don't eat the grass doggies go pee pee and poo poo there...............it was a terrific summer read.........excuse me I have to stop my son from showing his penis to those little girls in the sandbox, he's going through a phase............." So with the constant interruptions it's hard to get to know a person. And then say you do get to know her and you find you don't have that much in common or she just doesn't "get you". Perhaps you do have a lot in common but she's weighed down with personal problems and wants to lean on you too much (I had a girlfriend a couple of years ago that I had to "assign" her own ringtone on my cell phone because she called with a personal crisis several times a DAY!). You may discover she's in a bad marriage and bashes her husband constantly or dishes out unwanted advice at you all the time. And then there are people who are just plain psycho, needy or weird (hmm, some may put me into that last catagory....). I know we have all spend several hours with a friend who seems to be a great find for a while but then you seem to have a weird vibe between you during a coffee date at Starbucks and the conversation isn't flowing like it has before and things fizzle out from there. Or after you've spent some time with her you start to get annoyed that she keeps telling you how to deal with your 5 year old when her oldest is 6 months old. Perhaps she shows her green side and gets mad at you for spending time with another friend (if you are lucky to find a second friend!) The worst is when it becomes obvious that she likes you more than you like her and you are having to create some distance between the two of you but she keeps calling and calling and making it hard for you to say "no" without hurting her feelings. Sheesh! Finding friends as a grown up is a lot like it was trying to find a boyfriend was except without the romantic stuff AND I was only trying to find ONE boyfriend, now I'm seeking a few girlfriends to keep myself well balanced and it seems like an impossible task. A very important task none the less, my sanity is dependent on finding at least two women who I can develop a deep friendship with. I'm tempted to run a personal ad to find girlfriends, here's how it might read..........

Wanted a handful of gal pals for long walks to the local playground, the occasional girl's night out with moijtos, discussions about the latest children's book and current New York bestsellers, laughter, tears, more laughter and more tears, private jokes, honest opinions, casseroles when I'm sick and vice versa, a ear when I need to vent and vice versa, shared babysitting, shopping buddies, pedicure pals, stroller sisters and lots more laughter. Respondants must have a good sense of humor and a good sense of themselves, able to have a meaningful conversation with constant interuptions from little people under 5 ft tall, open, honest, considerate, forgiving and less than perfect. Fans of NPR, the Laurie Berkner Band, good books, strong coffee and old movies a plus. Martha Stewart wanabees, Denise Austin worshipers, know-it-all advice givers, gossip gals, I-weigh-110-pounds-but-think-I'm-fat, I-can't-leave-the-house-without-full-makeup-and-wardrobe, my-house-is-always-spotless and my-children-are-perfectly-behaved NEED NOT APPLY! Also, I have 3 children already so no Needy Nellies please. Contact Lonley SAHM 555-9176.

Cool Kiddie T's

I just found the CUTEST website for baby and toddler t-shirts. They are a bit pricey at $18 but they are sooooo funny/adorable/inventive that I think they are worth it. I just ordered 2 of them for Alita. One of them is pictured above. Yes, I spent $36 on 2 t-shirts that she will wear for about 6 months but I couldn't help myself!!!! Check it out http://www.sandboxthreads.com/.

"Me" Time

I spend ample time on my children's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Heck, not just ample I spend almost ALL my time on this. Like most SAHM's and WAM's I neglect my needs and feel guilty when I do things for myself, but as I spend more days, months, years of my life being a mom I realize that it is true wisdom to make sure I'm taking care of myself or I can't take good care of my family very well. I still fight feelings of being selfish when I spend time on me but I just gotta GET OVER IT! And I say that to myself and all moms out there GET OVER IT AND SPEND TIME MEETING YOUR NEEDS TODAY!!! Your (my) family needs you (me) to be there for them 100% and you (I) can't do that if you (I) don't take care of you (me)!

Here is my list of things I need to do to take care of myself. They are in no particular order. Many are things that I have done routinely for myself in the past and hope to make habits of again in the future. I realize that my children's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health depends on mine. It will take time and practice to make these things habits and I make a promise to myself right now to not feel guilty for NOT doing these things. These things are meant to make me feel better not worse.

1. Drink plenty of water.
I just don't like to "drink" period. It's not like I drink soda or something instead of water, I just don't drink anything except coffee on a regular basis. I know this is a really important one! I heard somewhere that one of the best things a person can do first thing in the morning is drink a glass of water. I was in this habit for a while and it really did feel good.

2. Exercise for 30 minutes 3X's a week.
I have had several periods of my life where I have exercised regularly and it makes me feel SO GOOD you think I would make this a HUGE priority. Actually, it is the #2 thing I am trying desperately to find time for right now. For the #1 thing I'm trying to find time for see #4 on this list.

3. Spend 15-30 minutes "putzing" each day.
I'm a "putzer" and I need to putz. I need to allow myself some time everyday to ignore my "to do list", let go and putter around aimlessly doing whatever strikes my fancy. I have to make sure my kids are not around for this as I get very testy when my putzing concentration is broken. So first thing in the morning or after they go to bed.

4. Spend time in prayer and read the Bible everyday.
This also is something I have been in the habit many times in my life and it is my #1 priority right now because it makes just absolutely everything better. It's almost impossible to find a consistent time for this everyday but in the past I have prayed each morning for God to help me carve out time in my day for Him. Seek and ye shall find.................

5. Meditate.
I mostly want to spend time mediating on God's word. A period of time each day 5 minutes or more where I lock out everything in my mind but scriptural truths.

6. Eat a diet low in sugar, high in fiber and protein.
Duh.

7. Eat lots of fruits and veges everyday.
Duh again.

8. Breathe deeply.
I'm a shallow breather, I need to remember to spend time breathing deeper and slower. It needs to be a conscious effort.

9. Go to a spa regularly for some pampering.
My hubby sent me to a spa on my birthday this year. He went all out as he always does for my birthday and spoiled me with a full day of treatment. I kept thinking during my extreme day of pampering that I really should do some of this on a regular basis. You know, every couple of months go for a facial, massage or pedicure. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Last week I actually did this and went for a massage. I found that a little spa-ing goes a long way.

10. Take frequent walks.
I love to walk. It clears my head. I need to do it more often, period.

11. Turn off the TV.
The boob tube just zaps my energy and kills brain cells. I feel better about myself when I spend my time on other things.

12. Sleep at least 7 hours each night.
Gotta just do it!

13. Take at least one relaxing bath a week.
I find the #1 deterrent to this one is keeping my master bathroom clean.

14. Have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week.
Gotta just do it!

15. Go out on a date with my husband 1X a week.
This will make #14 easier.

16. Spend time often with girlfriends and other SAHM's with and without our kids. (Preferably with lots and lots of laughter)
Okay, first I need to FIND some girlfriends. Making friends needs to be a priority.

17. Keep my house decent and sanitary.
And BE HAPPY with decent and sanitary and not beat myself up when my house isn't picture perfect.

18. Have a good cry every once in a while.
It seems like I fight the tears back until I'm at the end of my rope and can't hold them back any longer. I think it would help me stay at the top or at least in the middle of my rope if I allow the tears to flow sometimes and release a little pressure.

19. Learn and practice Tai Chi.
I really, really want to learn Tai Chi, there's a class a our local community center I will take advantage of.

20. Spend time gardening, I hear it's good for the soul.
We have a beautiful backyard at our new house that needs some TLC, it's time to enhance it a bit and plant a few flowers in my soul at the same time.

How to Tell If I Have, I Mean If You Have PMS

Since it seems that I don't know I have PMS until my period shows up and then I look back and go "Ohhhhhhhh, that's what that's what was wrong with me." I am writing it down so maybe next time I'll know to go hide in a cave for a few days and leave my poor family alone.

Top Ten Signs I have PMS
10. I'm eating chocolate covered pretzels before 9 am.
9. I'm crying at the last scene in Little Miss Sunshine, a scene that usually makes my sides hurt from laughing. Hell, I'm crying at everything.
8. My husband and children are suddenly the most selfish people on the planet who can't seem to leave me alone for TWO SECONDS!!!!!!!!
7. I move like a pregnant yak.
6. I feel like a pregnant yak.
5. I'm eating chocolate covered pretzels at noon.
4. I have the grace of an elephant in stiletto heels.
3. I want to have sex all the time.
2. I don't ever want to have sex again.
1. It's 9 pm, the bag of chocolate covered pretzels is gone and I'm running out to the store to get more.

So, now you know what kind of day I'm having............................

Picture Worth 1,000 of My Words.........

I am having this kind of a day. Heck, this kind of a week! I laughed until I cried when I saw this picture and I was laughing because I can really relate to it right now. My "stuff" is sure weighing me down. Moving stinks and moving with 3 kids stinks to high heaven because it seems like I unpack a box and Babyzilla comes behind me and pulls everything I just unpacked out of the drawer I just put it in. One step forward, eight steps back. Then there are two tornados, disguised as my sons, who whirl in after school tossing backpacks, lunch pails and papers everywhere. So I'm trying to pick up our daily "stuff" and unpack at the same time and it's like trying to walk a straight line during an earthquake.

We've been here over a week now and I'm about 1/8 unpacked. I did all the nessesary stuff right away, kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms and now I'm having a heck of a time getting to the unnessesary stuff like books for example. Books that we will never read again but have a "need" to hold onto for some reason. I am TOTALLY OVERWHELMED with the amount of "stuff" the five of us have!!!!!! It makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. It also makes me want to throw it all in the street and light a match. What do we need all this stuff for????? Sigh. Well, I'd better stop procrastinating and get back to it.

My $100 Store

I call Target the "ultimate impulse buy store". I never leave there without spending $100. Even if I only go into Target for 2-3 items I always wind up finding many other things I "need" and the total always hovers around the $100 mark. I know it's a marketing plan of theirs to lure people in for toilet paper and socks and then sell them other things but I wonder sometimes about the $100, is that in their plan too? Those tricky devils! And I fall for it over and over again. But today however was worse. You see we are settling in to our new home and so there are many things I truly do need and I have been shopping quite a bit lately. I've been to Bed, Bath and Beyond (what is the "Beyond" section suppose to have in it exactly?), Home Depot (twice and I have to go back yet again), Toys R Us (well, the baby just HAD to have a sand and water table for our new yard) but I had been staying away from Target to avoid the impluse buying that turns what should be a $40 shopping trip into a $100 one!!!!

So here was what was on my list today: "socks for Monkey, JetDry, shampoo and brush to scrub the bathtubs". That's what about $20 worth of stuff, right? How much did I spend? Sit down, $257.67. Holy Cow!!! That's some expensive socks!!!!! To be fair to myself I did remember several things while I was there that I truly did need. My husband and I have been squeezing the toothpaste really, really hard for a couple of days now eeking out the last drop of toothpaste, been out of Children's Motrin for a while now, the boys are in desperate need of summer PJ's, etc. But then there are other things I purchased that I certainly don't need like 2 more outfits for the baby (she has more clothes that both the boys put together!), a new soap dispenser for the boy's bathroom (they don't wash their hands 1/2 the time I shouldn't have bothered), some reuseable juice containers for the boy's lunch boxes (which I'm sure I'll tire of and go back to store bought juice boxes eventually) and more washclothes for the baby (which I don't think she really needs, I just need to do laundry more often). And the list goes on.

I don't have a shopping "problem", (I'm not an out of control shopper with $80,000 in credit card debit that I'm keeping a secret from my husband and I need to email Oprah so I can get on her show and get some help), however, I would like to control my impulse buying at Target!!!!!!! I don't seem to impluse buy at other stores to the extent that I do at Target. What is it about that store? I know, I know, those Tricky Marketing Devils "made me do it" with their Perfect Product Placement and Eye Catching signs with phrases like "clearance" that draw me closer to take a look. I know they do it on purpose and I know how to beat them, just buy what's on the list. But I let them get me everytime. I think I'll avoid the T store for a while. Other places sell TP, right?

The Next Reality Series!!!!

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car each and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

Monster in the Classroom

I am so outraged I am still shaking. A kindergarten teacher in Florida had a "problem" student in her classroom. In an attempt to modify his behavior she asked students from the class to share why they didn't like this student and then VOTE whether or not he should stay in the classroom--"Survivor style". The student was voted out of the class in a 14-2 vote. Okay, at this point I have to take a break from typing as I have tears in my eyes and I haven't even told you the worst part............................the little boy has autism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This abusive "behavior modification" technique would be damaging to ANY child but to a child with autism who most likely has great difficulty understanding social rules/norms this could be truly devastating. I hope and pray that the right professionals can get this victimized 5-year old boy through the aftermath of this trauma. I also hope and pray that the other children in the class will receive counseling as well. How obscene to have "judge and jury" roles placed upon 5 year olds. It disturbs me greatly that 14 children voted the victim out of class. It really makes me wonder what exactly was going on in that classroom.

And what about the two who bravely voted for the boy to "stay" in the classroom? Included in the students who voted for the victim to stay was a boy who has been the first real friend the victim has ever had. I say this boy who stood by his friend and did not cave in what had to be a very distressing situation DESERVES A MEDAL and a trip to DISNEYWORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to shake that friend's hand and the hand of the other student who voted their conscience and stood up for the victim. What incredibly honorable children. I can only pray that my children would do the same in such a situation.

This teacher, Wendy Portillo, has not been fired as of yet. They Florida school authorities are "investigating" the situation and in the meantime the teacher has been "reassigned" to a desk job. I can appreciate that they need to investigate the situation but if they don't fire this woman I'm going to jump on a plane to Florida and straighten them out! This woman should NEVER EVER be allowed in the classroom again. If you ask me she there should be criminal charges brought against her. Specifically, for mental child abuse both to the victim and all the other students in the class for leading them down such a dark path.

There is an online petition you can sign to get Ms. Portillo fired. It may not do any good but it can't hurt. If you feel moved by this story, please consider signing the petition!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Fire-teacher-for-unprofessional-conduct

Oh YUCK!!!!!

I have never had this happen to me before. I was shopping around for some "kids room decor" on the internet when disgusting, triple X, adult photos popped up! YUCK! How I got from kids room decor to porn I have NO IDEA! I was on a site, shopping away when the site paused and a box said "do you want to download 'something?" I don't remember what the "something" was but it DID NOT SAY ANYTHING THAT WOULD LEAD ME TO BELIEVE IT WAS PORN! I tried and tried to just "delete" the box because I don't download things that I don't know what they are. But it wouldn't delete. Then I tried deleteing the page I was on and it wouldn't let me. So I finally decided to just tell it to download and then I would cancel it out. The minute I hit "Ok" to download the disgusting filth appeared.

It totally freaked me out because my children were in the room when this happened. Thankfully they were busy talking to their Dad and did not even glimpse the horrific images. However, what if it had been my children on the internet with this box insisting they "download"? They are young and don't go on the internet that often and I am always close by when they are on the computer but I naively thought that this kind of thing really couldn't happen. I mean we have "pop up blocker" right? My eyes are now opened to a new possibility of my children's eyes and hearts being assaulted and frankly I'm afraid to let them go on the internet now. My I.T. savvy husband is going to look for "cookies" or whatever to see if there is a hook into our computer somewhere but I don't know when I will feel comfortable letting my kids on the computer again.

Oh the depravity, oh the humanity. Father, save us from ourselves!

Top Five List-Desserts

I am a total dessert person. I could skip dinner and go straight to dessert most nights. Whenever I go out to eat I always make sure to save room for dessert! I probably could have made this a top ten list but I wanted to give special attention to those 5 desserts that are heaven on earth for me. It kinda depends on the time of month (I'm a total chocoholic when my "Aunt" is about to drop in for a visit) but these are the desserts that really melt my butter any time of day, month, year...........

5. Home made chocolate chip cookies dipped in milk (total childhood comfort food)
4. A warm Brownie with hot fudge, vanilla ice cream and walnuts
3. Any kind of Birthday Cake and vanilla ice cream (has to have LOTS of thick sugery frosting)
2. French Vanilla ice cream with almonds, toffee bits and fudge (from Cold Stone Creamery)
1. Tiramisu (the best I've ever had was at Bada Boom Pasta Room! in Scottsdale, AZ)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm..........I'm lost in the memory of delicious desserts from years past. Bummer that I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight. I could really go for some sweet stuff right now!

A Crack in the Planet

One of my favorite lines from a movie is in "Spanglish". A wife tells her husband she has slept with another man and he describes a sound he heard when she confessed her affair as "a crack in the planet." I know what that sounds like. I heard a "crack in the planet" about 6 years ago. I was sitting in the office of a child psychologist after a lengthy evaluation of my oldest son and she said ".....I'm calling it autism for now." CRACK! I remember clearly her words up to that point and then nothing else she said after that. There was only the deafening popping, crashing and creaking of the earth seperating beneath my feet to reveal a deep hole where all my hopes, dreams and ideas about who my son was would fall into never to be seen again. "A crack in the planet", what a horribly perfect way to describe the sound words make that change our lives forever.

What has me thinking about this today is part of a documentary I watched about a deaf couple in their 60's who were receiving cochlear impants. They interviewed the woman's father, now in his 80's, about having a daughter who is deaf. When he was talking about receiving his daughter's diagnosis he began to cry. "....we knew then that she was deaf" he said with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. Some 50+ years later I think this father could still hear echos of that crack he heard when a his daughter's life and his life changed forever.

I found it upsetting that this father still grieved for the loss of his daughter's hearing. Will I still tear up when discussing the details of the first moments of Bear's diagnosis when I'm 80? Unfortunately, I think so. Once your planet cracks, it doesn't seal up again, you just learn to live on one side of the divide or the other. Everyday I pray I'm on the right side............

The Times

Earthquakes, tornadoes, cyclones, wars, rumors of wars..........

Where have I heard this before? Hmmm...................

Is it just me or is the earth just one big state of emergency lately? I find myself wondering this morning just how close we are to Christ's return. It seems like we are experiencing some awfully powerful "labor pains" in recent days.

Happy Mother's Day!

Before I was a Mom :

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom :

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Slobberd on.

Snotted on.

Peed on.

Before I was a Mom :

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom :

I never held a sleeping baby until my arms ached just because I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom :

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom :

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Top Ten Romantic Movie Endings

I'm such a sucker for romantic movies. I absolutely HATE IT when the hero and heroine don't get together in the end or one of them dies. I don't think it's "poetic" if you ask me it's a total bummer! I always leave the theater feeling jipped when they don't ride off into the sunset together. So here are my top ten end-of-the-movie-guy-and-girl-finally-get-together (or back together) scenes (that I secretly wish I could be the heroine in):

10. Johnny and Millie in "Because I Said So"
Okay, kinda dorky movie but my sappy heart just melts when Johnny looks deep into Millie's eyes and says "Me, I get you".

9. Benny and Joon in "Benny and Joon"
I've always wondered if you really can make grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron. Plus, I fell in love with my husband while watching this movie with him.

8. Justin and Birdie in "Hope Floats"
Who wouldn't want a guy to show up at your work, give you wildflowers, pick you up and drive you off in his truck all while Bryan Adams sings in the background?

7. Jake and Melanie in "Sweet Home Alabama"
Kissing in the rain on the beach in a wedding dress? Count me in! Although I've kissed in the rain before and it was really cold..........well, it's #7

6. Jonathan and Sara in "Serendipity"
Total nail bitter, you really, really don't think they are going to find each other. He gives up and lays down desolate on the ice, it starts to snow and then........there she is! More "cold kissing" though....burr!

5. Captain Navarre and Isabeau in "Ladyhawke"
He's just soooooo happy to see her! You can see how much he adores her and is grateful to be human with her again. There's nothing like a reunion with your soulmate after you have been a hawk and he has been a wolf for years.

4. Simon and Emma in "The Saint"
This whole movie turns me on not just the ending....ask my husband what happens to him every time I watch it!

3. Cappie and Maggie in "Lucas"
Cappie: Are you interested in politics?
Maggie: So so.
Cappie: Are you interested in cars?
Maggie: No.
Cappie: Are you interested in wide receivers?
Maggie: What's that?
Cappie: The position I play.
Maggie: Oh, is that what you do? Sorta.
Cappie: Are you interested in being kissed?
Maggie: Yes.
Me too, me too! I want to be 16 again and be kissed by a hunky football player on the hood of his car too! Only he'd have to be a redheaded defensive tackle named John. Teenage tingles galore!!!

2. Keith and Watts in "Some Kind of Wonderful"
They say if you're friends first it makes for a lasting relationship. And those huge diamond earrings are a nice bonus!

1. Jerry and Dorothy in "Jerry McGuire"
I have to list that one as #1. My husband and I got engaged the day we saw this movie and our wedding invitation said "God completes me with you" on the front. Apparently I have always been a total sappy girl!!!!! But I do truly love the scene where Jerry walks into the the living room during the Angry Divorced Woman's Support Group and declares his love to his wife.

So what romantic movies do you wish you could step in at the end when the guy and the girl get together?