Monday, July 19, 2010
Didn't Make it
FYI, we didn't make it the full 5 days. John and I broke our fast last night. For several reasons, I feel okay about it. Three days is pretty good. I feel a lot better! Well, that's it. Just didn't want anyone praying for me unnecessarily =}.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Day 3 of a 5 Day Fast
I'm not gonna lie, the last 2 days have been rough. I've done this 5-day Fasting cleanse twice before and it's never been this hard. I almost gave up multiple times but my husband and some time in the Word got me through it.
I'm struggling in the flesh and also in the spirit. As far as my flesh goes, I think I have an ulcer (I've suspected it for some time) and when I feel hunger during this fast it's painful. The pain subsides and never gets out of hand but it still hurts when I'm hungry. Sometimes I feel quite nauseous too. The other thing I'm struggling with is the stuff I have to drink to, um, clean me out. It's pure bulk fiber and I have to drink it 5 times a day. The taste isn't bad, you are supposed to drink it in apple juice and I like apple juice. It has ginger in it which burns a bit but still not bad. It's the texture I have trouble with. It's gritty, sandy and a bit like applesauce. John just opens his throat and down it goes in one gulp. It takes me several sips because if I take too much in my mouth at once I spit it out or worse, gag. Okay, more info than you probably wanted to know, I won't share with you the other "end" of this cleanse.....
Now for the spiritual struggle. I HAVE TO LET GO OF FOOD. I have to put food back in it's proper place as enjoyable nourishment and keep it there. Food has been my god for years and I have to dethrone it, or better yet allow God to work in me so I have the power to dethrone food. Like I said in my last post, I've done this fast before with the intention of focusing on God while fasting trying to make it not only physically valuable but spiritually as well. I also said in my last post that I've never really made time to focus on God during one of these fasts, never opened myself up to what He wants to teach me. Yesterday, I had no choice. The first day of the fast was HORRIBLE. I felt sick, nauseous all day, weak, grouchy and angry. By dinner time I was done. I kept thinking over and over, "I don't want to do this, I can't do this..." Hubby got me through dinnertime and to bed. I figured I would feel better in the morning so I powered through. I slept terribly, waking up with mild pain in my stomach several times. I woke up in an awful mood the next morning. I was ready to quit and planning on it. I started talking with my husband and that wasn't helping, I was still going to give up. But I heard the Still Small Voice calling to me and decided to spend some time spiritually nourishing myself.
I went outside with my Bible and journal and opened myself up to God. It was amazingly refreshing and really filled me up. God pointed out some very specific things He wanted to work in me and how He was going to do it. The time with Him really got me back on track. Not that I'm surprised, why do we Christians avoid time with God when we know it's going to help us!
So, I'm plugging along, haven't eaten since Thursday at dinner. I still feel the pain when I get hungry but it's lessening. I don't know if there will be more spiritual battles to fight in the next couple of days. I do know what to do though when and if they come however. Tomorrow the boys go back to school and my daughter is now in pre-school so I will have, 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES TO MYSELF! I plan to do a bit of house cleaning that I've been neglecting but I also plan to spend some uninterrupted time with God doing a different kind of cleaning that has also been put on the back burner. In the midst of child-rearing and homemaking I have forgotten my first Love in the past couple of years. It's time to remember, it's time to go back to His arms. Why did I ever leave in the first place?
Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be,
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart O, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.
from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (my all-time favorite hymn)
I'm struggling in the flesh and also in the spirit. As far as my flesh goes, I think I have an ulcer (I've suspected it for some time) and when I feel hunger during this fast it's painful. The pain subsides and never gets out of hand but it still hurts when I'm hungry. Sometimes I feel quite nauseous too. The other thing I'm struggling with is the stuff I have to drink to, um, clean me out. It's pure bulk fiber and I have to drink it 5 times a day. The taste isn't bad, you are supposed to drink it in apple juice and I like apple juice. It has ginger in it which burns a bit but still not bad. It's the texture I have trouble with. It's gritty, sandy and a bit like applesauce. John just opens his throat and down it goes in one gulp. It takes me several sips because if I take too much in my mouth at once I spit it out or worse, gag. Okay, more info than you probably wanted to know, I won't share with you the other "end" of this cleanse.....
Now for the spiritual struggle. I HAVE TO LET GO OF FOOD. I have to put food back in it's proper place as enjoyable nourishment and keep it there. Food has been my god for years and I have to dethrone it, or better yet allow God to work in me so I have the power to dethrone food. Like I said in my last post, I've done this fast before with the intention of focusing on God while fasting trying to make it not only physically valuable but spiritually as well. I also said in my last post that I've never really made time to focus on God during one of these fasts, never opened myself up to what He wants to teach me. Yesterday, I had no choice. The first day of the fast was HORRIBLE. I felt sick, nauseous all day, weak, grouchy and angry. By dinner time I was done. I kept thinking over and over, "I don't want to do this, I can't do this..." Hubby got me through dinnertime and to bed. I figured I would feel better in the morning so I powered through. I slept terribly, waking up with mild pain in my stomach several times. I woke up in an awful mood the next morning. I was ready to quit and planning on it. I started talking with my husband and that wasn't helping, I was still going to give up. But I heard the Still Small Voice calling to me and decided to spend some time spiritually nourishing myself.
I went outside with my Bible and journal and opened myself up to God. It was amazingly refreshing and really filled me up. God pointed out some very specific things He wanted to work in me and how He was going to do it. The time with Him really got me back on track. Not that I'm surprised, why do we Christians avoid time with God when we know it's going to help us!
So, I'm plugging along, haven't eaten since Thursday at dinner. I still feel the pain when I get hungry but it's lessening. I don't know if there will be more spiritual battles to fight in the next couple of days. I do know what to do though when and if they come however. Tomorrow the boys go back to school and my daughter is now in pre-school so I will have, 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES TO MYSELF! I plan to do a bit of house cleaning that I've been neglecting but I also plan to spend some uninterrupted time with God doing a different kind of cleaning that has also been put on the back burner. In the midst of child-rearing and homemaking I have forgotten my first Love in the past couple of years. It's time to remember, it's time to go back to His arms. Why did I ever leave in the first place?
Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be,
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart O, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.
from "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (my all-time favorite hymn)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Taking Care of Body and Soul
Okay, so I've done this twice before, I'm not a newbie but I find some familiar thoughts and feelings cropping up. And fears, lots of fears. Can I really do this? I wonder. I keep telling myself I've done it before and it is worth it but I'm still nervous about it.
I'm fasting for 5 days. It's a cleansing fast, I use a program from Blessed Herbs. It is an amazing program and really "cleans" you out. You don't even want to know what is in your gut folks. I'm just glad I'm getting it out! If you want to see some gross but fascinating pictures, the website has them here: Intestinal Plaque. Do not look at the pictures if you are feeling queasy at all and BEWARE, the pictures will make you want to do the cleanse! At least that's been my experience and every one I know whose done it too. You look at them and you just have to do it!
Like I said I've done it twice before and always had very good results. My husband does it with me (which I'm still astounded at, it's such a hippie dippie thing to do but, he loves it! He has actually done a fasting cleanse without me when I was pregnant!) But I digress....so I have past experience with this and I have support. What am I so afraid of? I have come to the conclusion that it's a normal process. Fear is a normal part of a big undertaking (and not eating for 5 days is a bit of an "undertaking"...hee hee pun intended). I keep reminding myself that courage is not the absence of fear but courage is doing something in spite of your fears. So, onward I go!
My one goal for this fast that I have never successfully met in the past two fasts I've done is to open myself up to God and focus on spiritual things. I know that sounds funny, a Christian fasting and not focusing on spiritual things but my past two 5-day cleanses have been all about physical health. I didn't plan for them to be that way, I actually planned the opposite. During the previous fasts I prayed and read my Bible some but I didn't the take time to really open myself up to what the Holy Spirit wanted to teach me while I fasted.
I'm rambling a bit so I'll close. Pray for me sisters. Pray that while I cleanse the physical I also cleanse the spiritual. Pray that I will have courage for whatever our Lord has in store.
I'm fasting for 5 days. It's a cleansing fast, I use a program from Blessed Herbs. It is an amazing program and really "cleans" you out. You don't even want to know what is in your gut folks. I'm just glad I'm getting it out! If you want to see some gross but fascinating pictures, the website has them here: Intestinal Plaque. Do not look at the pictures if you are feeling queasy at all and BEWARE, the pictures will make you want to do the cleanse! At least that's been my experience and every one I know whose done it too. You look at them and you just have to do it!
Like I said I've done it twice before and always had very good results. My husband does it with me (which I'm still astounded at, it's such a hippie dippie thing to do but, he loves it! He has actually done a fasting cleanse without me when I was pregnant!) But I digress....so I have past experience with this and I have support. What am I so afraid of? I have come to the conclusion that it's a normal process. Fear is a normal part of a big undertaking (and not eating for 5 days is a bit of an "undertaking"...hee hee pun intended). I keep reminding myself that courage is not the absence of fear but courage is doing something in spite of your fears. So, onward I go!
My one goal for this fast that I have never successfully met in the past two fasts I've done is to open myself up to God and focus on spiritual things. I know that sounds funny, a Christian fasting and not focusing on spiritual things but my past two 5-day cleanses have been all about physical health. I didn't plan for them to be that way, I actually planned the opposite. During the previous fasts I prayed and read my Bible some but I didn't the take time to really open myself up to what the Holy Spirit wanted to teach me while I fasted.
I'm rambling a bit so I'll close. Pray for me sisters. Pray that while I cleanse the physical I also cleanse the spiritual. Pray that I will have courage for whatever our Lord has in store.
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