Friday Funnies

I didn't post "Thursday Thoughts on my Faith" yesterday due to the Hormonal Hurricane that's still swirling around inside me. I do have some thoughts on my faith, especially after last week "retreat" in the redwoods but I'll have to wait until my brain comes back to share.

My mom sent this video to me and if you haven't see it, it's a total gas! It made me want to get married again (to my DH of course!) Check it out:

Best Wedding Entrance Ever

And you have probably seen this one on youtube already but if you haven't enjoy this one too:

Best First Wedding Dance Ever

Finding the Humor in it...............

Like I posted yesterday I am DEEP in the throes of PMS. As I get older I recognize the signs a lot sooner. For years my period would start and I would have this incredible realization..........Ohhhhh, that's why I flipped off that sweet old lady in the crosswalk, ate an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses every day for the past week, hate the new haircut I got that I loved last week, am convinced that everyone hates me and am filing for divorce from the stupidest man to ever roam the earth! Now that Auntie Flo is here, it all makes sense and it's all good now. You've probably been there too. I have found now that I recognize"what in the world is wrong with me" during PMS instead of after the fact helps a little, and I mean a little but when you are in Hormone Hell even a little bit of peace of mind goes a long way.

After inhaling 2 pints of ice cream all by myself in 3 days, feeling so exhausted that I went to bed at 8 on Monday night and screeching at my son this morning for not putting on his shoes fast enough I realized that my "time of the month" was coming and I currently was experiencing Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. So for the past couple of days I've tried to give myself a break. I watched TV and ate ice cream while the boys were at school and my daughter napped today. I did some chores but not as many as I would do on a typical day. I made dinner in the crockpot at noon so I wouldn't be trying to do it when the Three Tornadoes are swirling around me and DH is asking me where "things are" (why do men never know where things are located in their own home?) And I googled PMS jokes for women to try to find some humor in the situation. Here are my favs:

Number 1: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.

And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS.................

Joke 2: Joseph and Mary

A couple was sitting around their apartment; she was clipping coupons while he was reading the bible. The old man said to his wife, "You know honey, everything you ever wanted to know about life is in here."

She returned, "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, dear."

He replied back, "Sure, just name one thing I can't find in here."

She said, "PMS-you won't find anything about it in there."

He began flipping through the pages, going from one chapter to another, pausing for a few seconds only before going on to the next page. After about 10 minutes, he looked up at his wife and said, "Aha! Here it is, I told you everything was in here."

Then he proceeded to begin reading the script "... and Mary rode Joseph's ass..."

I found these jokes on PMS Central a very humorous but informative website about the dreaded Curse before the actual Curse. Among ideas on how to cope you can actually sign up for PMS alerts to your email box. To quote the site, "Use our email service to give you a head's up on the hormonal hurricane........." If only I had known about that service for the past 20 years? If you want to know what kind of PMS Personality you have you can take this Quiz there! It was hilarious and also informative.

In all seriousness I am thinking I should go see a hormonal specialist because my PMS symptoms have always been unpleasant but in the past two years since my daughter has been born they are getting worse. I honestly feel like I am mentally ill in the days before my period starts. The bloat is horrendous! It takes every fiber of my being at times not to scream at my kids or DH like a Banshee. Everything irritates me. My body feel sore all over and cramps start before my period when my whole life they've only come during. The worst part is I feel like a horrible failure at, well, everything for 3-4 days. I feel like I'm never going to lose weight, hated by all who know me and some who don't, like I'm a terrible wife and mother and I have done nothing good with my life. I can get down right depressed. OH! And did I mention I eat and eat and eat? It's like I can't get full. I've had problems with my hormones but it's never been this bad. I have a number for a doc who is an expert on hormone dysfunction and will supposedly spend 1 and a half hours with you on your first visit AND insurance pays for it. I am looking for a miracle, do you think there is one out there? Damn that Eve and her stupid apple......................

PMS Rant of the Month

I just have to type this out of my system somewhere so I will do it here on my blog...........

Our country is in the middle of a severe recession/possible depression, the healthcare system is a mess, we are at war with Iraq, North Korea's nuclear program is breathing down our neck, our country's family values are going down the toilet, millions of children in the world go to bed starving each night, AIDS is ravaging many African countries, autism is estimated to be 1 in 75 kids in the US, Swine Flu is knocking at our door, etc, etc, etc. But by all means, let's worry about President Obama's jeans! Let's spend time and attention on that! Thank you CNN for bringing this fashion error of the President's to our attention! How could we go on another day without discussion of Obama's "Mom Jeans"???? This media story makes me ill, I will post a link to it but please if you have better things to do don't click on it. Instead, maybe let's pray for the President and the leaders of our country to have great wisdom and forget about what their pants look like. This story on CNN is a horrible example of the "dumbing down" of the American people. As a matter of fact I'm pissed at myself for spending so much time on it. Here it is, but be warned, watching this will destroy brain cells: Obama's Mom Jeans .

Okay, I'm going back to my cave with a vat of Ben and Jerry's now. I'll be back when my hormones subside.

Thursday Thoughts on my Faith

Retreat. What a beautiful word. Webster's dictionary defines it this way among others: "to withdraw, retire or draw back especially for shelter or seclusion". It has literally been years since I've taken a spiritual retreat and it shows. As I look forward to the time I will spend at my beloved Mt Gilead next week I am stunned by the fact that I have gotten out of the habit of regular retreat. I used to do it all the time in High School and College. Church and Christian college gave me opportunities to "go to the mountain" several times a year. It was so helpful and refreshing to step back from daily life and spend 24 hours to several days resting in God's presence. Pulling back from day-to-day worries and reconnecting with the Creator was nourishment my soul desperately needed...........and still does.

My worries were so much less complicated and overwhelming in High School and College however the habit of regular retreats helped to put my life in perspective. It gave me strength as well to face challenges and see my problems in a new light. How much more intense and heavy are my burdens now as a wife and mother? As I sit here this morning I am wondering what taking a regular retreat would do for me now. If I dedicated several days a year to resting in God's goodness, provision and allowing Him to renew my spirit what changes would that bring about in my life? I have a idea what that would do for me but I will wait and report what it actually does for me next week. I am excited to rest! Isn't that a funny concept?

Pray for me friends as I head off to the redwoods to seek Living Water to refresh my mind and spirit. May God draw me near and rejuvenate my weary soul. I seek to find a renewal of my relationship with our Heavenly Father. I seek to behold His glory and be comforted by His presence. I hope you all find pockets of retreat in your week so you may be renewed for daily "battles".

"He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul............." Psalm 23:2-3a

Wednesday Tip of the Week

I am not at all good at home decorating. I have no idea what looks good with what. I'm terrible at picking colors. I'm like the anti-Martha but at the same time I want my home to be tastefully done with a "homey" feel. Since I don't have the money to hire an interior decorator I have to forage the Internet and magazines for ideas. Here was an idea that worked really well for me in the area of picking colors for the walls in our master bedroom.

Tip: If you are having trouble selecting paint colors. Choose a favorite object that you really like the color of in the room to be painted, take it in to a paint store to "color match" it for paint on the walls of that room. In our master bedroom I LOVE the colors in the throw pillows on our bed. So I took the pillow to Home Depot and used one of the dark colors in the pillow for the "accent wall" and a lighter color for the other walls. I think it turned out pretty good! There may be a "Martha" in me after all............okay, that's probably going too far!

Traditional Tuesdays

Blah! I am in a total white flour-sugar coma. I forgot how AWFUL I feel when I eat that stuff on a regular basis. I gotta get back on the wagon.....and fast! I want to feel good and be healthy. It's going to be tough for the next 10 days or so. On Saturday we are traveling to Sebastopol, CA to stay with a family friend and then take our oldest, Bear, to a camp at Mt. Gilead. We are not just dropping him off there though! DH and I are going to serve as "Camp Deans" for the week! How did that happen, well, I'll tell you.................

This camp is a place where I used to go as a camper starting from age 12 and then I was on staff out there for about 5 summers as a teen and young adult. I volunteered as a camp counselor there several times as well. It also happens to be the place where DH and I met! He and I both worked there in the Summer of '93. Needless to say they know me there. I realized a few weeks ago that Bear would be old enough to attend camp this year however, with the challenges autism brings him, I knew we couldn't just drop him off. I then remembered that many times couples can volunteer to be Camp Deans, kinda the "mom and pop" for the campers to help deal with homesickness and occasionally help with discipline. So, I called up my friends out there and asked if we could serve in that capacity while Bear attended camp. That way we could keep an eye on him and have a "free" vacation for the rest of the family out in the beautiful redwoods! It all worked out and so we are packing our bags and leaving Saturday!!!!

Anyway, long story short we will not have any control over what we are eating until July 20th. And if memory serves, the camp serves pretty tasty food but not very healthy. DH and I will just have to do the best we can and try and control portions. There are a lot of places to hike so we have lots of opportunities for exercise. But on July 20th DH and I are back on the no flour, no sugar wagon! I feel so much better when I eat that way. I know I have a problem with sugar but maybe I'm gluten intolerant. I feel so sluggish when I eat bread even if it's of excellent quality.

I do have a recipe this week. I have searched high and low for an excellent pancake recipe and I think this is it!!! I've made these several times and they come out great each time. It falls in line with the guidelines of Traditional Foods as well!

Buttermilk Pancakes- click on link for full recipe

Monday Morning Random Question

Ha! I changed things up a bit. Instead of a Random Fact about myself I'm going to ask a Random Question, answer it and then encourage you, my friends, to do the same!

Question: If you could have either an endless lifetime supply of money or total inner peace for the rest of your life which would you pick?

Answer: My first gut reaction is the first one. Especially in this economy the lack of money takes away from my inner peace. I would LOVE to never again have to worry about money. However, on further consideration I would honestly choose the latter. I get so weary of feeling stress, doubting my faith, worrying that I would love to have the gift of inner peace.

What are your thoughts?