Happy New Year!

I really don't like to make resolutions because I have never followed a New Year Resolution through. So for years I haven't made any...officially. But...I always have goals for the year at the beginning of the year which I now realize is almost the same thing. I rarely follow through on these goals either so I have decided to make different goals this year that might help me achieve the old ones.

1) Old Goal: To read my Bible daily.
New Goal: To set aside time to read my Bible daily.
My thinking behind the new goal: I read in an article once that if you try to form a habit in baby steps often you will just complete the whole step. The author of the article said he was going to start a habit of running by just first only setting out his running clothes for the next morning. However he discovered that on the first morning where he had set out the running clothes, he decided to take a step further and went just running.

2) Old Goal: To lose weight.
The following New Goals should help me achieve the old goal.
New Goal: To change my relationship with food. To work on seeing it as enjoyable sustenance instead of something to use to make me feel better when I feel badly.
New Goal: To find ways to deal with bad feelings other than by eating.
New Goal: To set aside a time to exercise daily (see my thinking on New Goal #1 =})
New Goal: To eat at home almost exclusively and avoid pre-packaged foods. Whole, unadulterated food!
New Goal: To use Plan to Eat,

3) Old Goal: To have a clean house.
New Goal: To have the kids pick up their stuff every night before dinner.

4) Old Goal: To watch less TV.
New Goal: To try one new thing a month and do it at least once a week during regular TV viewing hours.

5) Old Goal: To make new friends.
New Goal: To join a "moms" group that a friend invited me to.

Okay, I think that's good enough. Have you made any New Year's Resolutions this year???

I'm Back?

I haven't been a very prolific blogger lately....last post was two months ago?!?!?!?! It's been rough going at my house. October was flu month at our house. As soon as someone got well someone else got sick. And when I got sick I was down for 2 weeks. I can't remember being that ill ever in my life. Yes, the doc suspected Swine Flu but we never had it confirmed.

So October was Flu Month and November was Flu Recovery Month. Along with just putting my house and life back together, I got an itch to get rid of as much stuff as I could before the end of the year. I became a maniac filling bags with clothes for the Goodwill and tearing into our closets, boxes and whatnot. ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! ORGANIZE! I still have more to do but it feels good to have gotten accomplished what I have so far.

Now in December we've had some issues with my oldest, Bear, come to a head. He's been "off" for weeks now. He had been almost completely unable to concentrate and lost in his "autism world" all the time. He had strayed far out from what is normal behavior for him and making some incredibly poor and dangerous choices. We found him lighting matches in the house twice. He left school without his brother after school one day. At school he was found in the library when he was supposed to be in the bathroom. I realize that all kids go through growing stages and testing periods but when an autistic child does this it's magnified. Plus, the typical parenting methods often don't work with those on the autism spectrum. We tried everything and then I finally called his neurologist. The doc ordered an MRI and a 24hr EEG. He also prescribed Abilify which freaked me out (just the word "anti-psychotic"....shudder) but I did try it with him.

The MRI and EEG were normal of course and didn't give us any pertinent information. However, Bear has been on Abilify for about 10 days and I CAN'T BELIEVE HIS BEHAVIOR! The drug not only helped him to get back to normal functioning for Bear, he is functioning BETTER than what is normal for him!!!!!! He talks to us more and has more complex conversations with us. His "pretend talk", the scripts he says out loud over and over and over, is quieted considerably. He now focuses on tasks better than my typical son! I tell Bear to go brush his teeth and lo and behold! He goes and brushes his teeth! The first time I ask!!!! In general he is calmer and more present with us. I still hate the idea of my 10 year old being on an anti-psychotic drug but if it helps him I will have to go with it. The good outweighs the potential side effects in this case.

Whew! With a lull in our family drama for now I'm finally settling down and ready to enjoy CHRISTmas! I think.....hee hee. The tree is up, lights on the house, I'm actually done with my shopping and 1/2 done with my wrapping. I'm working hard each day to enjoy the season, not expect perfection and build on traditions. Sad that I have to work hard to enjoy things but that's the way it goes when you are a busy mom. Nothing is ever "done" so I have to do my best and ignore what I can't do so I can have some FUN!

I'm also trying to reconnect with Christ. I'm looking for quiet moments to reflect on His birth and what it means. I want to put the CHRIST back in Christmas and put Christ back in my life too. Not just in my life but the ruler of my life as KING, LORD, WONDERFUL COUNSELOR...
I want to use this time with not much trauma to distract me to find Him again. I know He will be there waiting for me...He always is.

I pray you are having a wonderful CHRISTmas and He is blessing your day, your hour, your minute, your very breath...love you Sisters!

Real Woman Makeover - Day 11

Nancy Leigh DeMoss concluded her messages on the passage of Proverbs 31:10-31 yesterday. However, the series "True Woman Makeover" continues for 20 more days. I enjoyed her message today on 1 Timothy 2:9-10 "Women in the Church".

However, I'm still mulling over, chewing on her messages about Proverbs. I have also been applying what I'm learning to my life with incredible results. DH and I had a long conversation last night about the changes he has seen in me. When I told him about everything I've been learning that has been the background for the changes he's seen actually said to me, "Other than, 'I do' that is the best thing you've ever said to me." Wow. I am so thankful that God lead me to this series and is helping me make the changes I need to make to be the best wife, mother and homemaker God wants me to be.

I am blessed as I wrestle with these truths. It ain't easy but it's right.

Real Woman Makeover- Day 10

In today's message in her "The Counter Cultural Woman" Nancy Leigh DeMoss says:

"So many times in our own lives, we’re holding onto our lives: my rights, my time, my privacy, my peace of mind, my space. If we live selfish lives now, we will reap the fruit of our own hands.

A woman told me last night that when she first became a Christian as a young wife that she determined she was going to go home and be this model wife. She was going to submit to her husband; she was going to be meek and quiet-spirited. She said, “I went home and I just tried and tried.” After two weeks, we could just see in her face that she was exhausted. She said, “I realized I couldn’t do it.”

Let me say, the moment you come to realize that you cannot do what God has called you to do by yourself, that is one of the greatest discoveries you’ll ever make. That’s the starting place to victory."

As I've said before and will say again, this series by Nancy has literally been life-changing for me as a home maker and as a woman of God. God's Word is fresh and new to me in this passage of Proverbs 31:10-31 that she has been dissecting and sharing insight on. I am renewed and assured that God will provide all I need to get through each day serving my family. And I will continue to focus on pleasing God and laying down my life for the 4 of them in order to obey His Word.

Today I am being put to the test about all these things I've been learning. It's almost as if God is asking me, "Have you REALLY heard me? Are you ready to apply what you've been learning?" Here are some of the things I'm being challenged with:

1. Monkey is still sick and getting worse. His breathing has become really shallow and it freaks me out that he will get an infection! I have to take him back to the doctor this morning to check for pneumonia.

2. Bear has broken a tooth and I have a dental appointment for him right after Monkey is done at the doctor. What adds mental anguish to the "broken tooth situation" is that Bear broke the tooth while trying to pull out a permanent tooth. He read a story about a little boy losing a baby tooth and getting money from the tooth fairy and he decided to try and make some money for a new video game. He has been making a lot of poor decisions lately (lighting matches and putting the lit match back in the matchbox, pulling his hair out to be like "Horton" in Horton Hears a Who, acting out in class, etc). So something is going on with Bear but DH and I can't seem to understand it and Bear (who has autism) can't explain to us what's going on.

3. Baby Girl hasn't had much attention all week as I've been taking care of Monkey while trying to keep the house together and she is acting out.

4. My husband is having a horrible week at work and he's having some stomach problems. Which means I have to be very careful in what I make him to eat as not to aggravate his problems.

5. On top of all this my lower back is screaming in pain. My lower back often aches because of the way my spine curves a bit at the bottom giving me a "duck tail" butt but the pain is worse than it's ever been.

Honestly, there's more things crashing down on me right now but I will stop here because what I've mentioned already is enough to explain the pressure I'm under. I feel exhausted, worried, frustrated, trapped, alone and burdened. Okay, I think I've made my point that I need God's help to get through today more than most days!

I have two consolations in all this mess. One my God is faithful to provide everything I need to get through today. He has boundless supply of wisdom, energy, encouragement, etc and has put it at my disposal. All I have to do is ask and trust Him. Two, Dear Husband is being really encouraging and as understanding as he can be. He has been listening to me and helping out where he can. I am trying to remember that he is having a tough week too at work and asking God for the strength to support DH as he supports me.

I have to lay it all down this week. I have to find my strength in Him who loves me and knows my needs before I do. He knew this week was coming, He is prepared to help me with all of it and more!

Here is the interpretation of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today from the Message:

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Real Woman Makeover-Day 9

Today Nancy Leigh DeMoss says about the Proverbs 31 Woman:

This woman is a lover. She’s a giver. She’s a servant. That’s her calling in life. You say, “I don’t think I want that calling.” Listen: You’re never more like Jesus than when you’re serving.

This series continues to challenge me in my ways of thinking about what makes me feel fulfilled as a woman and citizen of this Planet. The world says that we women must find fulfillment outside our homes and that is not what the Bible says. Nancy has been pointing out in better words and ways than I can how a woman's heart should be at home. She may do things outside the home but her first priority is to the health and success of her home and the people who live there.

This concept of putting my home first that Nancy has presented in her series has had the gears in my head turning for days. I have had opportunities to apply it with some amazing results. Yesterday I had a very busy day with many things to do for something outside the home. I took on the position of Committee Chair for our Cub Scout Pack and last night was our first Pack Meeting of the year. As I planned out my day yesterday morning I felt completely overwhelmed. Monkey is still home sick with a fever, Baby Girl seems to always need my attention lately not to mention I had dishes to do, laundry to fold and dinner to get ready for my husband to prepare while I was at the Pack Meeting. At the leading of God I made a conscious decision to put my home first yesterday and take care of my family before the other things. And to my great surprise (although it should have been NO surprise) the Lord helped me to accomplish what I needed to for the Pack Meeting! Everything went very well last night and for the most part my home was taken care of.

However, I did learn a few lessons yesterday. The one that comes to mind first is that taking care of a home properly takes lots of time. I will admit that I ran out of time yesterday for taking care of my home. Things were in better shape than would have been in the past. I did some laundry, dinner was 3/4 of the way ready for husband and the dishes were done. But I see places where I could have done better. Maybe I will make a few meals and freeze them for nights like last night for example. Now it's not that husband can't make a meal and he is willing to but it would have been a blessing to him to come home after a long hard day with a meal ready to go in the crockpot. I think there are ways for me to bless my family if I continue to learn how not to eat the bread of idleness (verse 27) and make sure I am prepared IN ADVANCE as well as I can be for events where I am using my talents outside the home.

One last thing Nancy shared today that I want to share, it's called A Little Place:

Where should I work today, dear Lord, and my love flowed warm and free.
He answered and said, “See that little place? Tend that place for me.”
I answered and I said, “Oh no, not there! No one would ever see,
No matter how well my work was done. Not that place for me.”
His voice, when He spoke, was soft and kind. He answered me tenderly,
“Little one, search thy heart of thine. Are you working for them or me?
Nazareth was a little place and so was Galilee.”

Here is the version of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today from the New International Version:

¹⁰ ^a]">[a] A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

True Woman Makeover-Day 8

Today Nancy Leigh DeMoss says about the Proverbs 31 woman:

Here’s a woman that as she watches over the ways of her household, she doesn’t miss anything. She’s alert to the details of what’s happening in her family—not so that she can be the controller of her family, but that she can be a better servant to her family.--Taken from verse 27 in Proverbs chapter 31.

Today Nancy's message is so close to home for me I don't know how much I can blog about it right now. It's too raw for me to broadcast on the internet even though it's only my cherished friends who read this. I just can't share right now. I need to process it and more importantly pray about it. God needs to do some work in me before I can share it.

What I can share is a joke Nancy shared today. It made me smile.

Mom and dad were watching TV when mom said, "I’m tired. It’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed." So she went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons in bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the games pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied the waste basket, and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled out a text book hiding out under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth, and did her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I’m on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog’s dish and called the cat in, then made sure the doors were locked. She look in on each of the kids, turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still up doing homework.

Back in her own room she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow. About that time, dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, "I’m going to bed," and he did without another thought.

And finally, here is the version of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today, it's from the New American Standard:

¹⁰An ^A)">(A)excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far ^B)">(B)above jewels.
¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
¹²She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
¹⁴She is like ^C)">(C)merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵She ^D)">(D)rises also while it is still night
And ^E)">(E)gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷She ^F)">(F)girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
¹⁸She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
²⁰She ^G)">(G)extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are ^H)">(H)clothed with scarlet.
²²She makes ^I)">(I)coverings for herself;
Her clothing is ^J)">(J)fine linen and ^K)">(K)purple.
²³Her husband is known ^L)">(L)in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴She makes ^M)">(M)linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
²⁵Strength and ^N)">(N)dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
²⁶She ^O)">(O)opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the ^P)">(P)bread of idleness.
²⁸Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
²⁹"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
³⁰Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who ^Q)">(Q)fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
³¹Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

Real Woman Makeover-Day 7

Nancy Leigh DeMoss says:

"We come to verse 26 today where we’re told that this virtuous woman opens her mouth. Now, this is the first verse that says anything about this woman talking. That should tell us something. This is not a woman who talks too much. She’s not known for her talking.

There are other qualities that she’s known for—her servant’s heart, her compassion, her tenderness, her diligence—but when people think of this woman, it’s not what she talks about that’s the first thing that comes to mind. 'She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.'

I love this verse. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say I love this verse. What I really mean is, I need this verse, and it’s a verse in Proverbs 31, probably more than any other, that I come back to over and over again. 'She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law [or the teaching] of kindness'—wisdom and kindness.

Pow! This verse hits me right in the gut! All the other attributes that Proverbs 31 talks about a virtuous wife possessing seem do-able but this one, to speak with wisdom and the law of kindness, seem impossible to me without God's constant help. You see I'm a talker, a big talker. There is a family joke that I "starting talking at 9 months old and haven't stopped since". I tend to just let it all fly out without much thought to what I'm going to say ahead of time. Occasionally this has been a benefit to me but 95% of the time it's a curse. So as I read verse 26 today I thought, how on earth am I going to speak wisdom and be kind when I do it to boot?

What's funny is for years I have thought that taming the tongue was harder for me than most people but it seems that it's a problem very common to humanity. We all need to watch what we say because words are so powerful. James 3:7-8 says " ⁷All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, ⁸but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

I have been making an effort to speak kindly to my family in the past week. Once I was more conscious of it I will admit I think I was speaking unkindly more often than I realized. I have this "tone" that I use that emits all my irritation or anger. My husband calls it "snapping". "Why did you just snap at me?" He'll ask and when he does 1/2 the time I'm unaware that I just "snapped". My husband and my kids noticed my efforts to be kinder in my tone. It is a very good discipline to work on speaking kindly to our family!

Now I just have to work on speaking with wisdom. That is a very hard thing to "work on" really. It seems to come from maturity and experiences. However, I do think I have the wisdom already to work on being slow to speak. I need to use that wisdom to my advantage and think before I utter a word!

Here is the version of Proverbs 31:10-31 I read today, it's the King James Version:

¹⁰Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

¹¹The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

¹²She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

¹³She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

¹⁴She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

¹⁵She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

¹⁶She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

¹⁷She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

¹⁸She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

¹⁹She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

²⁰She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

²²She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

²³Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

²⁴She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

²⁵Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

²⁶She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

²⁷She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

²⁸Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

²⁹Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

³⁰Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

³¹Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.